. all rights belong to Tanis Harms –
. refer to www.church-skits.com
AFTER THE HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER - written by Tanis Harms
(Ideal for dinner theater. Actors can be the waiters,
and create bios to stay in character the entire time.
EXAMPLE PROGRAM: main course, ACT 1, dessert, ACT 2)
PREMISE:
Except in heaven, “happily-ever-after” does not exist.
Life after their ordeals, three famous princesses neglect
and refuse to forgive their nemeses. Bitterness slowly
creeps into their hearts and lives, and they discover
that they are becoming the very things that they hate.
Meanwhile, the villains of the area have all been
attending a support group to give up their “bad ways”.
The entire land is in dire need of a kindness revival!
STYLE: comedy (option: musical)
SCRIPTURE: Ephesians 4:31-32
TOPIC: FORGIVENESS
NOTES: for CAST, PROPS, MUSIC, SONG LIST
SCRIPT: ACT 1 - CENTER STAGE
MUSIC: classical “morning song” with birds chirping
NARRATOR (from offstage or comes out with storybook)
. Wait, not yet! (MUSIC stops.)
. (reading softly) “Once upon a time, in a land
. far, far away” – (now getting pragmatic)
. so far – that it really doesn’t exist,
. but that is beside the point. NOT that there
. isn’t a point to the story, because it does
. have one... Anyway, (regaining composure)
. “In this land, there lived a princess...”
. (pragmatically) Well, actually, there were
. a lot of them. As well, “there was a prince”
. for every princess. (lighter again)
. “And they ALL were married and were in
. the process of living happily ever after.”
. (skeptically) Although, for some, it was
. a bigger stretch than others, which would lead
. one to ask the question - “Why?”
(NARRATOR looks inquisitively at the congregation 2
with a poignant pause, then continues.)
NARRATOR So with a HUGE ado... (in a low serious voice)
. THESE are their stories! Ca-CHUNG!
(NARRATOR makes the “Law & Order” noise, then exits.
After a moment of silence, NARRATOR can be heard.)
NARRATOR (offstage) Okaaay, NOW the music.
MUSIC: classical “morning song” with birds chirping
. STAGE LEFT
(SNOW WHITE steps out and stretches luxuriously.
Slowly picking up the hand mirror, she touches up
her hair, then studies her face. Liking what she sees,
she smiles. But - discovering a wrinkle - she gasps.
Horrified, she takes a closer look and freezes in place.
PRINCE 1 steps out behind her. He puts his hands
on her shoulders and puts his cheek against hers.)
P1/snow Good morning, Snow White, my darling.
. You gasped? Does my dashingness overwhelm you?
SNOW I-I – I found – another - wrinkle!
(PRINCE 1 studies SNOW WHITE’s face closely as she slowly
winces out a smile and points to her cheek.)
P1/snow Wheeeere?... Why, those aren’t wrinkles.
. Those are laugh-lines, and - they - are –
. beautiful.
SNOW You don’t sound completely convinced.
P1/snow Well, I must point out, lately, you haven’t
. exactly been laughing as much as usual.
SNOW You KNOW these wrinkles are a result
. of what that wicked Queen did to me!
.
P1/snow (sarcastically) Noooooo! Remind me again?
(SNOW WHITE takes a deep breath in an effort to maintain
her composure.)
. 3
SNOW The poison in that apple didn’t just put me
. into a deathly sleep. Who knows WHAT else
. it did to my body. There hasn’t been enough
. in-depth research into all possible
. side effects. It could still be slowly
. eating away at me – as we speak.
P1/snow This again? When will you just let it go?
SNOW How can I let it go? What the Queen did to me
. was just – unforgivable. Completely
. villainous! I can never forgive her for that.
. Never!
P1/snow Seriously, let it go already.
SNOW How can you shrug it off like it was nothing?!
P1/snow (defensively) Hey, I’m going through my own
. mid-life crises, here.
(PRINCE 1 reaches over SNOW WHITE’S shoulder to tilt the
mirror so he can seem himself, goes to touch his hair.)
P1/snow (shrugs) Aaaand, I’m good.
. (tilts his head at SNOW WHITE’s gasps)
. Aw, my dearest Snow White, in MY fairytale
. book, you are STILL the fairest of them all.
(SNOW WHITE winces out a fake smile as PRINCE 1 pecks her
on the cheek.)
P1/snow And I’m off. I’ve - got a kingdom to run.
. TRY to have a good day then, dear.
SNOW Will you be home in time for supper today?
P1/snow I’ll try. Can’t make any promises.
. You know how it is. (P1 leaves)
(SNOW WHITE shakes her head, then goes back to the
comfort of the mirror. Maybe if she looks long and hard
enough, she’ll start to look younger. She tries smiling
again, then grits her teeth in anger. Finally,
standing up straight and tall, SNOW WHITE speaks out
with great conviction.)
. 4
SNOW Mirror-mirror in my hand, WHO is the fairest
. in the land?
(SNOW WHITE shows surprise when a light from the mirror
actually shines onto her face)
MIRROR (NARRATOR’S voice) Well, it used to be
. JUST you, but now we have: Cinderella –
SNOW (unsure) Oookay.
MIRROR Sleeping Beauty –
SNOW (a little perturbed) Really?
MIRROR Repunzel –
SNOW Are you quite done yet?
MIRROR The 12 dancing princesses –
SNOW Be quiet already?!
MIRROR But the fairest of them ALL is Belle –
SNOW (puts the mirror down quickly, stewing)
. Belle! Really?! She’s at LEAST my age!
. (fixes hair, stewing in anxious contemplation)
. Fairer than me! Belle! Something must be done!
. CENTER BACK
(PRINCE 2 reads a scroll and drinks his morning coffee
as SLEEPING BEAUTY enters, yawning, stretching
and scratching.)
P2/charm Good morning, my Sleeping Beauty!
(PRINCE 2 stands to kiss her, but SLEEPING BEAUTY
turns her head away and puts a hand out to stop him.)
SLEEPING NOT - before my morning coffee.
(PRINCE 2 quickly pours her a cup and holds it out,
patiently waiting as she slumps into a chair first.)
P2/charm (trying to joke) You really don’t need 5
. MORE sleep? You’d think after a 100 years
. of uninterrupted sleep, you’d be good to go –
SLEEPING (groaning) Please don’t start with me!
P2/charm It’s just that, I-I worry when you –
SLEEPING (going gangster) Are you starting with me?!
P2/charm Sleeping Beauty, it’s just not healthy –
SLEEPING Do you seriously want to start with me?!
(SLEEPING BEAUTY chug-a-lugs, then holds out the cup.
Smiling anew, PRINCE 2 pours more coffee for her.)
P2/charm So what do you have planned for this fine
. morn–afternoon?
SLEEPING Just the usual - tea with the girls.
P2/charm Well that sounds delightful.
SLEEPING (groaning) Ugh - could you take that charming
. elsewhere? You KNOW I’m not a morning person.
P2/charm (under his breath) Except with you –
. it’s ALWAYS morning.
SLEEPING What?!
P2/charm I hope you have a wonderful -morning-ah-DAY-
. I wish you the very best, dear.
. (begins to leave)
SLEEPING Do you? Do you really? Whatever. It’s
. always the same stuff. NOTHING ever changes.
P2/charm (hopefully) Well, why don’t you get a job
. then? Remember, your idea for a shoe store?
. What was it? “Miniature Man”–footwear
. for leprechauns and elves?
SLEEPING The market’s too saturated. That old couple
. beat me to it.
P2/charm Well, what about your clothing store idea 6
. for the little fairies? - “Pixies Petite”?
(SLEEPING groans and curls up in her chair.)
P2/charm (dryly) Of course, what was I thinking?
. That would take energy-Sorry! Well, maybe
. Snow White could help you with that?
. She got that accessory store up and running
. for the dwarves.
SLEEPING Ohhh Snow White-Snow White. She’s not
. all that, you know! She hardly had to do any
. work at all. Except for Grumpy, they are all
. whistling and happy to do everything for her.
P2/charm Okay, so don’t work. Take lessons in –
. whistling. Or how about humming lessons
. from Cinderella!
SLEEPING Am I THAT broken? You keep trying to fix me.
. Are you that unhappy with me?
P2/charm I was just trying to, ahhh... No matter what
. I say I’ll just, ahhh- I’m going to go now-
. See you later. Have a lovely day, sweetness.
(PRINCE 2 leaves and SLEEPING BEAUTY curls up.)
SLEEPING Ugh! What’s the point in trying.
. STAGE RIGHT
(CINDERELLA begins to sneak out through the garden way,
as PRINCE 3 calls out for her off stage.)
P3/cind (voice calling) CINDERELLA!
(CINDERELLA stops cold, cringing in terror. PRINCE 3
rushes on, still calling.)
P3/cind CINDERELLA!
CINDER (tersely) I really wish you wouldn’t call me
. like that! You KNOW how it bothers me.
P3/cind But - it’s - your name.
. 7
CINDER (trying to hold back her sobs)
. No – it’s - it’s the WAY you say it.
P3/cind Are you going to cry again?
CINDER Nooooo! (trying to compose herself)
. It just sounds so – harsh. It’s like - you –
. are getting ready to - order me about.
P3/cind When do I ever order you about? I JUST wanted
. to wish you a good day before you hurried off.
CINDER But when you SAY it THAT way – CINDERELLA! –
. it brings back all those bad memories.
. CINDERELLA do this!–CINDERELLA do that!
P3/cind Ach! Well I’m not THEM, am I? I’m not your –
. STEP-husband. There is nothing “STEP”
. about me! You can’t keep blaming everything
. on your past. Your stepmother and stepsisters
. are NOT the cause of all that is wrong
. in the world today.
CINDER WHY can’t you understand? All I’m asking
. is that you show some understanding and
. a little compassion. Is that too difficult?
P3/cind It’s been - 20 years.
CINDER (sobbing) And – it – still – hurts.
. And you STILL don’t - get it.
P3/cind And if it’s not THEIR fault, you always manage
. to turn it around so it’s MY fault.
CINDER I’m sorry. So it’s all MY fault then.
. I’m just being - overly sensitive.
P3/cind Ach - okay, I’ll try NOT to use your name
. EVER again.
CINDER Well you don’t have to be THAT dramatic.
. You can SAY my name, just don’t say it like –
. THAT. (sobbing) Now you’ve made me feel
. so pathetic.
P3/CIND Okay... (trying nicely) Cinderella. 8
CINDER Now you’re just patronizing me.
P3/cind Fine! I suppose I’ll have to PRACTICE
. saying your name properly, then!
(PRINCE 3 marches off. CINDERELLA is so angry and wants
to laugh and cry all at the same time. Pacing, she tries
to compose herself.)
CINDER I know I’m not perfect, but at least I’m not –
. THEM. At least I’m NOT a villain!
. But why must I be the focus of their distain?
. Oh WHY am I the consummate victim?
SONG #1: “THE PRINCESS LAMENT SONG” (optional)
. Sung to “OUR GOD REIGNS”
CINDER (singing) How can my prince
. Be uncompassionate to me?
. Be so unkind? So-un-kind?
. It’s like he is - Exactly like my stepfamily,
. So unkind, so unkind (skip chorus)
SLEEPING (singing) How can my prince
. Be so oblivious of my
. Suffering nights, and my days?
. He may not care, - or even be aware of that
. It’s [how I] feel, it’s not [a phase]
. (skip chorus)
SNOW (singing) How can my prince,
. Not see the wrinkles on my face?
. They are right here, and right here.
. Not anymore, - I’m not the fairest in the land,
. It’s my [greatest], biggest fear.
ALL 3 (singing chorus) It’s the worst, that we fear,
. Our princes... do not care.
. ENTIRE STAGE
(PRINCESSES turn their sets around. VILLAINS are on
the other sides helping to turn these around, then
VILLAINS move to the center stage. WENDY has a handful
of flyers. She gives bunches to both VILLAIN 1 & 2.
It looks like they are up to something diabolical.
WENDY holds up the rest of the flyers and calls out.)
SONG #2: “CALLING ALL VILLAINS” 9
. sung to “ALL I NEED IS YOU”
. (if WENDY doesn’t sing, she should say
. the words; if she sings, EXTRAS can
. echo on second verse)
WENDY (singing the lowest line & notes... or speak)
. Calling out – the villains!
. Attention – all villains!
. Get the word out – it’s crucial!
. Come to this – important meeting!
. (2nd verse) Attention – all villains!
. You all know – who you are!
. Make sure you come – it’s tonight –
. We have plans – to help ease your plight!
. (have last note end on middle C)
. (now talking)
. Get the word out. You’ll know
. to whom you should give these.
(STARLIGHT rushes on and up to VILLAIN 1.)
STAR What’s this about?!
(VILLAIN 1 hands STARLIGHT a flyer who glances at it,
then marches up to WENDY.)
STAR Are you serious?!
WENDY Very. And if YOU’RE serious, you’ll be there.
STAR Why should I trust you?
WENDY You KNOW my reputation!
(STARLIGHT gives WENDY a suspicious up and down glare
then marches off.)
([EX-]QUEEN walks across the stage with a regal
intensity. VILLAIN 2 hands a flyer to her.
QUEEN stops to study it, then slowly looks over at WENDY
and slowly gives a knowing nod before walking off.
STEPMOTHER and STEPSISTERS wander onto the stage
and stop to bicker with each other at STAGE LEFT.
WENDY points to the group and snaps her fingers.
VILLAIN 1 rushes over to give each a flyer.)
STEPMOM (reads flyer, looks up, insulted) 10
. Are you mad?! We are not villains.
. (WENDY fixes a steady stare at STEPMOM)
. You really expect us to take part in this?!
(WENDY nods slowly and sternly.)
STEPS 1 Well, I’m NOT a villain–I am NOT a villain.
STEPS 2 Yes you ARE!
STEPS 1 Am not!
STEPS 2 Oh, you are SOOOO too a villain. BOTH of you!
STEPS 1 So are YOU!
STEPMOM (hissing) We’ll discuss this at home. Come on!
. Maybe we DO need to be at this meeting!
STEPS 1 Ever since you lost your step-daughter,
. you’ve been picking on us!
STEPS 2 You’re so right! Something has to change!
(STEPMOTHER & SISTERS march off. HUNTER walks by.
VILLAIN 2 hands him a flyer. He studies it as all
exit STAGE LEFT. CENTER STAGE is set with 3 chairs,
and tiny table with a fruit bowl at the center.
An apple sits at the top.)
. CENTER BACK
(Sitting at the table, CINDERELLA taps her fingers,
waiting. SLEEPING BEAUTY nods off while holding a teacup
which is just about to spill when SNOW WHITE strolls in.)
CINDER (perking up) You’re late!
(SLEEPING BEAUTY jolts awake and stabilizes her tea, then nods off
again. SNOW WHITE waves off SLEEPING BEAUTY.)
SNOW Problems at the factory!
. (sees apple) What is this?! Some cruel joke?!
(SNOW WHITE grabs and throws the apple across stage.
SLEEPING BEAUTY is startled again. CINDERELLA ducks.)
. 11
CINDER Chill, Snow White. It’s just an – apple.
(SLEEPING BEAUTY tries to shake herself awake now.
SNOW WHITE slowly sits down and pours herself some tea.)
SNOW So what’s new? What did I miss?
CINDER (rolls her eyes) Sleeping Beauty is more
. of a bore than usual.
SLEEPING Hmph, what? Hey! Maybe I’d stay awake if
. someone would say something interesting
. for a change.
CINDER Maybe your prince tried the princess
. and the pea test?
SLEEPING Oh! He only tried that once! But we had run
. out of peas so he put a small kernel of corn
. under the mattress instead. I did not sleep
. a wink that night. I was so furious with him.
. He’d never dare try that again.
SNOW (to CINDER) I guess YOUR prince would never
. try that on you since you weren’t born
. a princess.
CINDER I STILL passed the test. So I AM a princess –
. at heart - thank you very much! Still,
. it hurts to think that your own prince
. would have doubts.
SLEEPING Once a princess – ALWAYS a princess!
SNOW My stepmother was a QUEEN, but she was banished
. after what she did to me. So, I suppose
. the way you’ve both been acting, it’s not
. any surprise that your princes have doubts –
. (when CINDER and SLEEPING gasp at the insult,
. SNOW lightly waves and changes the subject)
. Whatever! NOW! - if you could have ANYthing
. your heart desired – WHAT would that be?
CINDER This again? We have this conversation
. every time.
SLEEPING (thinking) Ahhhh... Well, besides wanting 12
. more energy, I want kids... I think.
. (JACK 1 runs in and sticks a plum in her face)
. Whaaaat’s this?
JACK 1 I’m Jack. Look! I pulled out a plum!
SLEEPING Should you be playing with your food?
JACK 2 (enters and sets a candle on the floor)
. I’m Jack. Look what I can do.
SLEEPING Oh! Watch out. You shouldn't be doing that!
JACK 2 I can do it again!
SLEEPING Nooo!
(JACK 2 jumps again, and JACK 3 enters carrying a pail.)
SLEEPING Let me guess, Jack?
JACK 3 Has anyone seen Jill?
SLEEPING No? Is THAT her?
(LITTLE MISS MUFFET runs across the stage screaming.)
JACK 3 That’s just little Miss Muffet.
JACK 2 Probably saw another spider.
SLEEPING I don’t want kids anymore.
JILL (skips in carrying a pail and stops)
. Hey guys, you should see what Humpty Dumpty
. is doing NOW!
SLEEPING When will this END? Please make it stop.
CINDER Okay, kids, you should go now. You should go
. see that. Go see Humpty. Go on, follow her.
(JACK 3 exits, but JACK 1 keeps picking at his pie,
and JACK 2 keeps jumping over the candle.)
SNOW Why don’t you go-look for a gingerbread house?
. 13
CINDER (gasping) Snow White! How simply awful!
SLEEPING (to CHILDREN) Nooo, children! You must
. NEVER eat gingerbread houses that belong
. to strangers.
(LITTLE RED skips by with a basket.)
CINDER Oh, there you go! Follow her, I think
. I smell cookies.
JACK 2 Cookies!
(JACK 2 runs after her. SNOW WHITE looks at JACK 1.)
JACK 1 I have pie!
SLEEPING You have PLUM pie. And you can’t like it
. very much if you’re playing with your food.
. (thinks, then runs after JACK 2) That was
. simply exhausting. How do these mothers do it?
SNOW (to SLEEPING BEAUTY) You remind me of someone.
SLEEPING (yawning) Let me guess - Sleepy?
SNOW I was actually thinking of – Grumpy!
(SLEEPING BEAUTY gasps. CINDERLLA shrugs, then sips from
her teacup, finding it empty. Going to pour more tea,
she finds the teapot empty. CINDERELLA looks around.)
CINDER Thumbelina! Thumbelina? Where is that girl
. when you need her? I NEED MORE TEA!!!
(THUMBELINA rushes out with another teapot and pours
some tea into CINDERELLA’S cup, but knocks over the cup.)
CINDER (gasps) Clumsy little pixie! You’re more like -
. FUMBLE-lina. Get out of here! I’ll just
. do it myself, THANK YOU very much! (pours tea)
SNOW Totally useless child.
SLEEPING Maybe her mother was completely exhausted
. and neglected her.
. 14
CINDER That could be. I heard that Mrs. Hubbard
. is neglecting HER children. Oh wait, that’s
. the old woman in the shoe. Mrs. Hubbard
. is neglecting her dog. (rolling her eyes)
. EVEN worse! But can you imagine living in
. a shoe with all those kids? But EVEN worse,
. Peter, who lives over the hill and dale,
. put his wife – in a pumpkin shell.
. Can you just imagine?
SNOW That sounds ridiculous.
CINDER It does, but it’s true. Well, this one you can
. believe. Mary, who lives down the lane and has
. that sheep farm - rumor has it that all her
. sheep got loose and ran away – and wound up
. going into the garden of the other Mary.
. (SNOW leans over to study SLEEPING’S face)
. Totally ate her cockleshells, AND made
. an absolute huge mess of everything.
. So this ah, garden-Mary becomes quite nasty
. and the rumors start to fly–
. (curiously) -What are you doing?
SNOW Counting her wrinkles.
SLEEPING (wakes with a start) Wa-what!? (SNOW laughs)
. Stay away from my face!
CINDER Oh! Do you know what else I heard?
. Princess Belle is using some sort of
. secret potion to get her skin to look
. younger. Such vanity!
SNOW (perking up) Really?! You don’t say.
. (keenly interested but tries not to show it)
. So, what is it? What’s the secret potion?
. Where’s she getting it?
CINDER (shrewdly) I don’t know. It’s... secret.
(SLEEPING laughs. SNOW WHITE is not amused.)
SNOW (slyly) Not that I NEED it, but, maybe one
. day - you know. It just would be nice to KNOW.
SLEEPING Yeah, I’m kind of curious. 15
SNOW There, you see. So Cinderella, you’ve GOT to –
CINDER (puts on an attitude) Oh, I’ve GOT to???
. Are YOU now telling me what to do?!!
SNOW What?! NOW who needs to chill?
SLEEPING No one is telling you what to do, Cinderella.
SNOW I – WEEEE – just really want to know where
. to find this – secret potion.
CINDER Well, I have no idea where to even start-
SNOW I thought you had a fairy godmother?
CINDER Oh - yeah, - her!
SNOW Yeah... her. (starts big, then gets softer)
. CCCINNNN-derella? Do you think you could,
. please, call her up? Or down, or whatever
. it is you do?
(One by one they stand up to sing.)
SONG #3: “THE BICKERING SONG” (optional)
. Sung to “I CONFESS YOU AS MY SAVIOR”
CINDER (singing) Cinderella, Cinderella,
. People tell me what to do.
. If only people would lay off of me,
. Life [would be per]-fect.
SLEEPING (singing) If I had a fairy god-[mo-ther]
. I would maybe get some sleep.
SNOW (singing to CINDERELLA)
. If you would call your fairy godmother,
. I’d [get my] [po-tion].
. (singing the alto line of first phrase)
. Please you better call her right now!
. (ends softly with a sweet smile)
SLEEPING And maybe while we’re at it, we could
. ask for something to help me stay awake?
. 16
CINDER (dryly) Maybe a few KISSES from her prince
. would fix that.
SLEEPING You just work on your OWN marriage.
CINDER Why? What do you know?
SNOW IS there trouble in paradise, Cinderella?
CINDER We – argue – sometimes.
SLEEPING Ah-huh!
CINDER What about you, Snow White? Do you argue
. with your prince?
SNOW (shrugging) No! MY prince is never home.
. (CINDER and SLEEPING both “aw” knowingly.)
. Wha-no, it’s not like THAT. It’s just –
. he’s got a lot of work to do.
CINDER Ah-ha.
SNOW Hey, don’t you DARE gossip about that.
CINDER I’m not a gossip!
(SLEEPING BEAUTY snorts a laugh.)
SNOW (gently pulls CINDER to stage left)
. Now, just call - your fairy godmother!
. (SLEEPING follows, yawning)
. Feel free to go ahead, anytime...
. and just do your thing!
CINDER Okay - okay, I will...
SLEEPING So what are you waiting for?
CINDER Shhh! Everyone, just sh. I have to remember
. the magic words.
SLEEPING Is iiiit - pleeease?
CINDER No! Now, shush. Please! (thinking)
. “Shiver and shame, dear”...
. 17
SLEEPING (gently suggesting) “Fairy godmother”-
CINDER Nooo. Ah, “Shiver and shave, dear – sweet” –
SLEEPING (gently) “Fairy godmother”-
CINDER NO! Now stop trying to help!-It’s not helping.
. “Simmer!”-No!-“SHIMMER!”-“Shimmer and... shine,
. Dear, sweet friend of MINE! Shower on me
. whatever I so incline!” (sighs with relief)
SLEEPING Seriously? – (noticing FAIRY G) OH!
(FAIRY GODMOTHER walks out, wearing tiny little wings
and waving a wand down at her side as she eats an apple.
SNOW WHITE sees the apple, freaks and rips it from
her before FAIRY GODMOTHER can take another bite.
SNOW WHITE throws it off stage and CINDERELLA ducks.)
FAIRY G All righty then. What can I do for you? –
. (indignantly) Oh! It’s you. I haven’t seen
. YOU in a while. I thought you were giving me
. a cold shoulder or something.
CINDER Nooo, I’ve just - been doing fine. I haven’t
. really needed you – at all.
SNOW Until now.
FAIRY G (suspiciously) Is that so?
CINDER Yeessss.
FAIRY G (to CINDER) So what can I do for you then?
SNOW We want the secret potion that gives us –
. the fountain of youth.
FAIRY G Excuse me, I’m not YOUR fairy godmother, am I?
. (looks back at CINDER attentively)
CINDER We–I – want the secret potion that gives
. us-ME - the fountain of youth.
FAIRY G Really?! This isn’t just peer pressure then?
. This is actually YOUR wish, or somebody else’s?
. 18
CINDER (not very convincing) No-no, it’s mine.
FAIRY G Well, even if I do believe you, I don’t have
. any idea what you’re talking about. I’d have
. to do some research - check out some
. connections – that sort of thing.
SNOW What good are you then?
FAIRY G Quite the attitude coming from the girl who
. just thew away my apple.
SNOW I was protecting you. (suddenly pleased)
. Oh, and she called me a “girl”.
FAIRY G Figure of speech. More indicative of your
. attitude. And you owe me an apple!
. (to CINDER) Anything else while I’m here?
SONG #4: “FAIRY GODMOTHER REQUEST” (sung or spoken)
. Sung to “I CONFESS YOU AS MY SAVIOR”
FAIRY G (sings) Do you have another request
SNOW (sings) Are you sure about the [po-tion]?
SLEEPING (sings) What about some wakeup motion for me?
CINDER (sings) But [I do need] help –
(Song ends abruptly. EVERYONE stops and looks at CINDER.)
CINDER (talks now) All right. My life isn’t exactly –
. totally perfect. How about something...
. that will help me with my husband?
. We keep arguing. He just doesn’t get it!
. Like he doesn’t even WANT to understand me.
FAIRY G Oh, now that’s more like it. Ah, let’s
. see now... “Jiggedy,” no. “Jaggedy.” No.
. (thinking) “Ziggedy-zag, dumping the blab,
. stop - the squabble and gab!”
. (waves her wand and touches CINDER’S head)
. There! Now, I’m off in search of your
. other request. Don’t hold your breath, though.
(FAIRY GODMOTHER exits. SNOW WHITE gasps indignantly.) 19
SLEEPING Why would we hold our breath?
SNOW (to CINDER) You MUST let me know if she
. gets back to you with anything.
(CINDERELLA tries to speak but can’t open her mouth.)
SNOW Cinderella? You WILL do that, won’t you?
. As soon as you hear anything!
(CINDERELLA makes some wild motions to say she cannot
talk, or open her mouth.)
SLEEPING (snorting) Cat got your tongue?
SNOW Hey! That’s never funny when it DOES happen.
. OH! The spell from the fairy godmother!
(CINDERELLA nods dramatically. SLEEPING laughs harder.)
SLEEPING Even better.
SNOW No–no – this-this is not good... Well,
. I guess it’s not bad. At least now we
. don’t have to listen to her gossip.
. (laughing, CINDER puts hands on hips) But -
. (seriously) -what will she tell her prince?
. (studies SLEEPING, then laugh-bursts again,
. then sobers when CINDERELLA stamps her foot)
. Okay, not funny.
SLEEPING Speaking of princes, it’s time to go home.
SNOW What are YOU complaining about? At least
. YOUR prince comes home at a decent time,
. and he’s always happy, and – charming.
. You should NEVER take that for granted.
(CINDERLLA nods her agreement, pointing to SLEEPING
BEAUTY’S eyes, then directly at SLEEPING BEAUTY.)
SLEEPING What’s she saying!?
SNOW I think she’s saying, you need to look
. at yourself. (CINDER nods)
. 20
SLEEPING (angrily to SNOW) Why am I the bad person?
. I’m a beautiful but helpless princess!
SNOW Of course you are! I didn’t say it, she did.
. (points at CINDER, who sags exasperation)
. Now, I have supper to oversee. IF that prince
. of mine even comes home. See you tomorrow.
SLEEPING Good night.
(CINDERELLA waves goodbye. PRINCESSES exit.)
. STAGE RIGHT
(All 3 PRINCES enter and gather at STAGE RIGHT.
Each holding a coffee cup, they say their “hellos”.)
P2/charm Prince!
P1/snow Prince Charming. Prince.
P2/charm Prince.
P3/cind Prince. Charming.
(KING enters. All of the PRINCES give a slight bow.)
P1,2,3 King.
KING Princes! How goes your day?
P2/charm Couldn’t be better.
KING Always Charming. But seriously, how goes
. the business of kingdom-running?
P2/snow Ah, he’s right. It’s all good! Everything
. in my kingdom at least.
P1/charm Yeah, you see, I don’t know why or what’s up,
. but villainous deeds seem to be down.
P3/cind Same thing in my land. What’s up with that?
. You know, that’s actually kind of suspicious,
. if you ask me.
KING Is that why you’re all on the solemn side? 21
P2/charm Ahhhh... I don’t know what you mean.
KING (to P 1) Well then, how’s my daughter doing?
P1/snow Snow White is wonderful, sire.
KING Really?
P1/snow SUPER wonderful, sire?
KING Oh, come now, I know how it can be.
. After my first wife died, my second wife – ah –
. well – you know how things went down. But
. tell me, do all your princesses still – sing
. to the birds and furry woodland creatures?
P1/snow Weeellll, not too much of THAT lately.
. Perhaps, it – could be better.
P3/cind I hear you, prince!
KING (to P2) And you?
P2/charm (smile falls) Okay, it could be better.
SONG #5: “WHERE IS THE HAPPY?” (optional)
. Sung to “NOT BY MIGHT”
P2/charm (sings) It’s not right, [some-times] we fight.
. Where is the happy ever after [end-ing]?
P3/cind (sings) It’s the same,
. ev’ry night, over there at our own palace.
P1/snow (sings) Same with us, we fight all day.
P3/cind (sings) What to do?
P2/charm (sings) It could be worse
P1/snow (sings) But it never gets better
KING (sings) Let’s throw all of them a ball.
3 PRINCES (sings harmony) Is there hope? Will that help
. bring back the happy ever after [end-ing]?
. Where did we, go so wrong?
. Possibly, we can bring it back?
. Someday soon, it just might be
. So much better than it is
. But for now, we keep the peace.
KING (sings) Let’s throw all of them a ball.
. 22
KING (talks) I say, it’s time we threw them a ball.
P2/charm Sleeping Beauty really hates playing catch.
. If it’s not about her hair, or her nails,
. then she’s just too tired.
P1/snow Ah, a BALL. As in – a dance. A big party.
P2/charm Oh yeah, that might better.
P3/cind (shaking his head) I don’t know.
P1/snow What? What’s wrong with a ball?
P3/cind Something BAD always happens at a ball.
KING Not always. From my experience, you either
. find yourself a wife or –
P1/cind -Something bad happens. Some villainous action
. is played out - with a ‘moral of the story’
. to be learned.
P2/charm Oh come now, that’s such a negative view
. on things.
P3/cind But if it would happened, this is exactly
. the place where it WOULD happen.
P1/snow And just where ARE all the villains, huh?
. I have this feeling that they are meeting
. somewhere and planning something really big.
P3/cind See? The ball is already fated to have
. a disastrous outcome.
KING OR - the ball will have a happily-ever-after
. kind of ending.
P2/charm Let’s go with THAT one.
P1/snow Ah, I guess–what could it hurt to throw a ball?
. The princesses are always saying we don’t
. do anything for them.
P3/cind Well in that case, you are right.
. 23
P2/charm Agreed. I can’t wait to get home then
. and tell my princess.
(KING and PRINCES exit STAGE RIGHT.)
. CENTER STAGE
(ALL VILLAINS sneak in STAGE LEFT and gather at
CENTER STAGE. Some sit in rows, some stand in the back.
WENDY steps forward to address the crowd. VILLAIN 1 & 2
stand on either side and slightly behind her.)
WENDY Good evening and welcome to Villains Anonymous.
. My name is Wendy –
ALL Hi Wendy.
WENDY And I am a Villain. I have not done anything
. villainous now for 2 years, 6 months and
. 3 weeks.
(ALL look around, some surprised, some impressed,
and ALL politely clap.)
WENDY I know some of you don’t think you need
. to change your ways, but we are here to let
. you know, you’re not only hurting others,
. you are hurting yourselves. You should
. also know that - you are not alone. We are
. here to help you, and be your support group.
. And with that, is there anyone here who would
. like to take this step to recovery?
(GLENDA cheerfully “floats” to front.)
GLENDA Hello everyone, my name is Glenda,
. and I am a GOOD villain –
ALL Denial!
EXTRA She is SO in denial.
EXTRA Come on, admit you have a problem.
EXTRA If you don’t face it, you can never really
. change.
. 24
WENDY (to GLENDA) A villain is a villain. You cannot
. be a GOOD villain. You must make a choice.
. Are you a practicing villain – or not?
GLENDA (saddening) I’m – going to have to give this -
. some more thought. (returns to her seat/place)
ALL We’ll be here for you, Glenda.
WENDY Whenever you’re ready. (looks around)
(STEPMOTHER & SISTERS nudge each other and shake their
heads at each other whispering, “no, you” – “no, you”.)
WENDY Anyone else? Anyone at all?
(ALL fall quiet, afraid to look around. Then gasp as
QUEEN stands and comes forward. It falls quiet again.)
QUEEN I am, the Ex-Queen, step-mother to Snow White.
. (more gasps, and she waits until it is silent)
. And - I am – a villain.
. (haunting music can play)
. There is no denying my intentions on Snow White
. when I sent a Hunter out to find her and
. give her a poisoned apple. It was my vanity,
. and then my jealousy that sent me on this path
. of destruction. By never correcting myself,
. I have lived many years in silent anger.
SONG #6: “QUEEN’S CONFESSION” (sung or spoken)
. Sung to “I WILL SERVE YOU (Thee)”
QUEEN (verse) I let [bit-ter]-ness, be all consuming.
. It was poison to my soul
. Doing [ev-ery]-thing to fix my outside
. it was pointless, this I know.
. (chorus) [Ug-li]-ness took root [in my] heart
. over-taking all my thoughts and actions,
. [so much] so, it’s now on [the out]-side.
. I need help to fix my life.
. (verse)
. If it’s [not too] late, I look to [all of] you
. to tell you it’s [just not] worth it.
. And to [re-con]-cile ev’ry re-[la-tion]-ship
. to end loneliness and ruin.
. 25
(After some silence, people slowly applaud and then
rise to applaud louder. QUEEN humbly hangs her head.
WENDY steps up beside her to put an arm around her.)
WENDY And it NEVER is too late. We certainly want
. to support Queen in her steps moving forward.
(ALL split up & exit while turning and moving sets
around. STEPMOTHER and STEPSISTERS speak as they exit.)
STEPM I bet she is faking her remorse.
. STAGE LEFT
(CINDERELLA sits waiting impatiently for PRINCE 3.)
P3/cind Hello, dear Cinderella. (CINDER casually waves)
. How was your day?
(CINDERELLA shrugs, then holds out a hand for PRINCE 3
to answer the same question. P3 sits down)
P3/cind Oh, mine was interesting. Scuttlebutt seems to
. be that there’s peace throughout the kingdom.
. That’s – great news – unless there is something
. more sinister lurking beneath? But why be
. so negative and expect the worst? I guess,
. we’re so used to exchanging bad news.
. Ah, unless you have some bad news to report?
(CINDERELLA shakes head and shrugs. PRINCE 3
is surprised.)
P3/cind Oh, well, wonderful. Ah, all the princes send
. their greetings. (CINDER smiles and nods.)
. And we all bumped into the King today
. at the royal business club. He will be sending
. out formal invitations later, but we are
. to attend a ball that he is throwing –
. tomorrow evening.
(PRINCE 3 smiles and CINDERELLA perks up again,
clapping her hands to feign glee.)
P3/cind Is supper ready?
(CINDERELLA tries to speak, but she can only smile 26
with closed lips and tilt her head.)
P3/cind I mean, that’s all right. (getting an idea)
. Come, I’ll help you get something ready.
. It’ll be fun. Like old times. (holds hand out
. for CINDER to take and be lead out.)
. CENTER BACK
P2/charm (enters & looks around) Sleeping Beauty?
. Sleeping Beauty?! Are you – asleep already?
SLEEPING (enters around from other side of set)
. Why do you always assume that I am sleeping?
P2/charm Because - you usually are - but that’s okay.
SLEEPING Is it? Is it really? You don’t always have
. to be so – charming – you know. It’s actually
. rather quite irritating.
P2/charm Would you rather I yell at you? I can’t yell,
. and I certainly don’t WANT to yell at you.
SLEEPING Then what? I get the sense that you secretly
. resent me. Maybe because I’m so much older
. than you! I mean – I am over 100 YEARS older!
P2/charm Those 100 years don’t count.
SLEEPING (whispering) Is that - what you have to
. tell yourself - to make it all okay?
P2/charm Nooooo I don’t – not really.
SLEEPING Ha! Oh! So something IS wrong!
. (stamps foot then takes a step to leave)
P2/charm And THAT is why I’m throwing you a ball.
SLEEPING Please, I’m in no mood to play catch!
. Of all the silly ideas!
. (shakes her head, disgusted, then leaves)
P2/charm Oh, it would be so pointless to say anything
. right now. (then follows after)
. 27
. STAGE RIGHT
(SNOW WHITE stares into the mirror. PRINCE 1 enters.)
P1/snow STILL looking at yourself in that mirror?
SNOW (smoothly) You’re late.
P1/snow You can do all the looking you want,
. but that will not change anything.
SNOW (sets mirror down) Did you want something?
P1/snow No! Nothing. Nothing at all.
(SNOW WHITE waits for P1 to leave.)
SNOW (picks up mirror again) Mirror, mirror
. in my hand, who is the fairest in the land?
MIRROR (LIGHT on) You’re not going to like the answer.
SNOW WHY?
MIRROR Because the answer hasn’t changed.
SNOW I figured so. I just want to know “why”?
. Why is Belle the fairest of all the fairest?
. What does she have that the rest of us don’t?
. What - is the secret potion she is using?
MIRROR Secret potion? Oooh, someone else was asking
. about that today. Yes, some fairy godmother.
SNOW (muttering to herself) Well, at least she’s
. doing something.
MIRROR Anyway, I can only tell you what I told her –
. I don’t know. I honestly don’t know.
. I don’t even know whom to ask about that.
. I’m just a mirror. Oh hey, here’s a
. crazy idea. Why don’t you ask Belle?
SNOW I cannot ask Belle about her secret potion!
. A woman never shares secrets like that.
MIRROR Again, what do I know. I’m just a mirror. 28
. Well then, good luck with that. (LIGHT off)
(Angered, SNOW shakes the mirror with gritted teeth.)
SONG #7: “THE POISON PLAN” (if not sung, spoken)
. Sung to “WAIT ON THE LORD”
SNOW (singing) I need a plan
. To get that secret [po-tion]
. And if I can’t, I need a plan
. To get Belle in-stead
. (repeat last two phrases)
. Just an apple, and some [poi-son]
. To get Belle in-stead.
. (swings around sinisterly and exits)
INTERMISSION ENTERTAINMENT (optional) (can be pre-taped)
Use just for fun, or if there is an actual intermission –
to get the audience’s attention to sit back down.
COMMERCIAL #1
ADMAN Having problems getting stains off YOUR
. invisible clothing? Perhaps it is time to have
. Rumplestilskin weave you a coat of gold? NO
. dry-cleaning necessary, just polish and wear.
. Call to set up your fitting at 555-THREADS.
COMMERCIAL #2
ADMAN Do you have dry and damaged hair? Does
. your prince keep falling back to the ground
. while trying to climb up the tower window
. because you have split ends? Just use
. IRONCLAD Shampoo. Not only will your hair
. increase its strength, in just two weeks,
. it will smell good too. Hair will be
. guaranteed to hold up to 200 pounds.
COMMERCIAL #3
MUFFIN MAN Do YOU know the muffin man? WHO’S the muffin
. man? I’M the muffin man. Please! – stop
. confusing me with the “baker in the rye-guy!”
. Aaaaad - come to MY bakery for your next
. batch of muffins.
. 29
COMMERCIAL #4
ADMAN Does your house smell? Like a shoe, or worse,
. like a big ol’ pumpkin? Use IRONCLAD Shampoo.
. It’s very strong. It will be the ONLY thing
. you or anybody smells. Intoxicating enough to:
. deodorize a grand ballroom; over-ride the odors
. of a ogre; or as protection method to cover
. the tracks of an Englishman from giants.
COMMERCIAL #5
(Close up of butcher’s knife coming down on a cutting
board. A fuzzy thing is on it. Zoom away to show
BUTCHER’S WIFE.)
WIFE Hi, I’m the Butcher’s wife. Is yar home
. infested with mice, especially with
. them thar pesky blind variety?
. (holds up knife, smiles, shows missing teeth)
. I cin take kir of ‘em for ya. Nice ‘n
. friendly-like. They don’t need them thar
. tails. Ha! And we can set ya up – with some
. quarterly annual visit contracts. Call this
. week, and I’ll include spider-swatting if
. ya have any. Ha! And I knows ya got ‘em.
. So if yar be the first caller-to call right
. now – yar gonna git this here FREEEE rabbit.
. (holds up a fuzzy stuffed rabbit with a smile)
CLIENT (off stage) Hey! Butcher’s wife!
WIFE Oh! And that thar’s be my first customer now!
. HE gits the rabbit.
COMMERCIAL #6
MARY “Mary, Mary quite contrary, how does your
. garden grow?” Do you know how many times
. I’ve been asked THAT one? So many times
. in fact, that Neverland Network has asked me
. to host my very own show to tell you how.
. Please watch my show “Green Thumb,” not to be
. confused with Tom Thumb. My next episode
. will cover how to keep snapdragons in row, AND
. how to keep stray sheep out of YOUR pansies.
. 30
COMMERCIAL #7
ADMAN (somberly) Missing some cookies? Do they keep
. running away from you? Call 555-MISSING.
. Call just as soon as you know - you have any –
. missing cookies. Please have a current drawing
. of them ready, so we can place that immediately
. onto our whey cartons. (holding up a carton
. with a drawing of the gingerbread man on it)
. If you’ve seen this real missing cookie, please
. contact your local Mother Goose Command Post
. right now. Thank you for your participation
. in keeping wayward cookies off the streets.
. ACT 2 - STAGE RIGHT
MUSIC: classical “morning song” with birds chirping
NARRATOR Again, not - yet! (MUSIC stops, NAR. enters)
. The land had gone into a deep, deep sleep,
. but not the hundred-year-kind, just more of a
. regular KIND of sleep that lasts the course
. of a night. And with the sunrise, brought –
. yet another day. THIS – is the continuation
. of their stories. Ca-CHUNG!
. (walks off, & there is a moment of silence)
. (off stage) Go ahead, music.
MUSIC: classical “morning song” with birds chirping
(SNOW WHITE walks in and reaches for the mirror.
PRINCE 1 is right behind her.)
P1/snow Well, don’t let me stop you from whatever
. quirky obsession you’ve got going there.
. I’m sure you’ll want to look good for tonight.
. You father is throwing a ball for you.
SNOW (angrily) How long have you known about this?
P1/snow Since last night.
SNOW And you neglected to tell me?
P1/snow Last night you weren’t exactly in the mood
. for light chit chat.
. 31
SNOW I wish you would have told me! There’s
. a lot to do to get ready!
P1/snow I don’t see why. You don’t have that much
. to do since you’re the fairest in the land.
SNOW That - may not be!
P1/snow Huh? Well, even if it isn’t, you are still the
. fairest in the land as far as I’m concerned.
SNOW Oh blah-blah-blah-blah-BLAH. Your
. fairytale-telling needs a lot of work.
P1/snow And I am continually astounded that your
. delightfulness and beauty only increases
. as it conquers all effects of time.
SNOW Blech! Have you been taking lessons from
. Prince Charming? It means nothing, you know.
. Those are just words.
P1/snow Ciao, my belle. (about to leave)
SNOW STOP! WHY did you call me BELLE?
P1/snow Ah, that’s French, meaning “beautiful”?
SNOW Do not ever call me that again. And “ciao”
. is Italian. WHY in the world would you use
. three different languages in one sentence
. that contains only three little words?!
P1/snow All right! See you tonight, then!
(PRINCE 1 storms off. SNOW WHITE grabs the mirror and
shakes it like in a chokehold.)
SNOW See what you are making me into!
. CENTER BACK
(SLEEPING BEAUTY enters and paces the floor. PRINCE 2
comes in and is shocked to see her there already.)
P2/charm Why, good morning. You’re up already?
. 32
SLEEPING WHY would you be shocked at that?
. Why would THAT be your comment?
. Perhaps I didn’t even sleep.
P2/charm You didn’t sleep? What’s wrong?
SLEEPING Of COURSE I slept! And as usually, I did NOT
. sleep well. And YES, something is wrong,
. but you refuse to admit it.
P2/charm Ahhhhhh –
SLEEPING (yelling) Tell me!
P2/charm (calmly) You’re driving me crazy?
SLEEPING I’M driving YOU crazy? YOU’RE driving ME crazy!
P2/charm MY problem is that I’m driving you crazy?
. How am I driving you crazy?
SLEEPING By not being upset!
P2/charm (uses a pillow to hit his head)
. What - should - I - be - upset about?
SLEEPING You’re hitting your head with a pillow
. and saying - that you’re not upset.
P2/charm (takes SLEEPING’s shoulders in his hands)
. WHY – do you WANT me to be upset?
SLEEPING Don’t you care?
P2/charm I do care.
SLEEPING (cryptically) If you care, you’d be upset.
P2/charm (walks in tiny circle speaking quietly) I think
. I’m actually getting dizzy. But I have to go
. to work now. You are simply driving me crazy.
. (exits, from off stage) BUT I’M NOT – UPSET.
SLEEPING (to herself) Maybe he does care.
(PRINCE 2 gives a final exasperated yell from off stage.)
. 33
. STAGE LEFT
(PRINCE 3 steps out and yawns. Seeing a scroll on
the chair he sits down to read. There is humming and
CINDERELLA dances in to give him his morning coffee.)
SONG #8: “CINDERELLA’S HUMMING SONG”
. Hummed to “I BELIEVE IN YOU”
P3/cind I haven’t heard you hum in a long time.
. I’ve kind of missed that.
(CINDERELLA plops down to watch P3 intently. He looks up
at her and smiles awkwardly.)
P3/cind This is nice, I love spending time with you
. like this. (CINDER shyly shrugs and nods)
. I could just stay here forever, but – alas –
. there is work to be done. And you probably want
. to spend the day getting ready for the ball,
. so I’ll not keep you from that. Thank you
. very much for a lovely breakfast.
(P3 sets his mug down and kisses CINDER on the forehead
before leaving. CINDERELLA tilts her head, thinking.)
SONG #9: “IT’S A NEW DAY” (optional) sung to
. “FACE TO FACE”(aka “Lord Let Me Know You”)
(Each princess sings from her own set.)
SNOW (sings) Morning time, brings in a new day
SLEEPING (sings) I must wake up and keep going
CINDER (hums the third phrase,
. then continues humming along the entire song)
SNOW&SLP (sings) Each day brings with it, a new start.
. (repeat) A new plan, a new beginning.
. Ev’ry step, has its own choice [to make].
. Whether it’s a good one or bad one
. Each day brings with it, a new start.
(At the end of the scene the sets turn around.)
. CENTER LEFT 34
(With WENDY at her side, QUEEN steps up to HUNTER.)
WENDY One of the steps to recovery is to approach
. everyone you have wronged. The Queen
. has something she’d like to say to you.
HUNTER (nervously) Oh-o-kay.
(QUEEN stands tall to brace herself but it appears more
threatening, then she finally sighs.)
QUEEN Hunter, dear Hunter, I hope you can forgive me.
. I sent you out with that poisoned apple – and –
. and – it was so wrong of me. Because of my
. villainous ways, I made YOU into a villain.
. Please, please, I hope you can - forgive me?
HUNTER (breaks down into “big-man” crying)
. Of course, of course, I can forgive you.
QUEEN Thank you, Hunter.
WENDY Hope to see you at our next meeting, Hunter.
. (HUNTER nods. WENDY turns to the QUEEN.)
. Okay, who is next on your list?
QUEEN My - my – ex-King–my husband. And, Snow White.
. But I highly doubt they will ever want to
. see me. I’d be turned away at the door.
WENDY (thinking) Hmmm.
(HUNTER stands by as the QUEEN and WENDY sing.)
SONG #10: “DON’T WANT TO GO BAD” (sung or spoken)
. Sung to “CONSECRATE MY LIFE”
QUEEN (sings main line)
. What’s our next step, [dear-est] Wendy?
WENDY (sings main line)
. This re-qui-res more thought.
Q & W (sings main line) Going bad [a-gain],
. is our greatest fear - we need a [meet-ing]!
. 35
QUEEN (sings upper part while Wendy sings main line)
. We fall down, we [make mis]-takes.
W & HUNTR (sings main line) We don’t want to fall down,
. Or make any mistakes
ALL (sings main line, end looking at each other)
. Going bad [a-gain],
. Quick! Let us plan for another [meet-ing]!
(While THREE leave STAGE LEFT, SLEEPING BEAUTY sleepwalks
down the street from STAGE RIGHT. SNOW WHITE walks
beside her and nudges her.)
SNOW Better wake up and watch where you’re GOING!
(LITTLE MISS MUFFET runs across the stage screaming.
SLEEPING BEAUTY wakes with a start and just misses her.)
SLEEPING Huh? What? What? Another spider? Someone
. needs to get that girl some help.
MUFFET (stopping) It’s Humpty. He fell.
SLEEPING Oh, even worse.
POLICE (calling from offstage left)
. Little Boy Blue – come – blow your horn.
(BOY BLUE appears blowing his horn like a siren
while two men carry a broken Humpty egg on a stretcher
across the stage, stocking-legs dangling. POLICEMEN
puts up yellow tape at entrance, then follows behind.)
SLEEPING (to POLICE) Is – that - really Humpty?
POLICE Sorry ma’am, we cannot release his name
. until the first of kinfolk have been notified.
. (pulls sheet higher to cover more of the egg)
SLEEPING Oh, I did NOT need to see that.
SNOW Oh boo-hoo – one less egg in the world.
SLEEPING (gasps) Where is your compassion, Snow White?
. What is happening to you?
. 36
SNOW Hey, don’t forget who planned the kitten-mitten
. drive, or who planned that fund raiser to help
. poor little Pinocchio get a nose job?
SONG #11: “WHAT IS UP WITH YOU?” (optional)
. Sung to “RULE OVER MY SOUL”
SLEEPING (sings) What is up with you?
. You are way more than blue.
SNOW (sings) You need to look at yourself too.
SLEEPING (sings) But I am concerned
. You have not been [ve-ry] kind.
SNOW (sings) Give it some thought,
. you’ve lost your mind
(SNOW WHITE goes to the tea table. Thinking for a second,
SLEEPING BEAUTY suddenly puts her hands on her hips in
a huff, then turns to catch up to SNOW WHITE.)
. CENTER STAGE
(Sitting at the table, SNOW WHITE looks out into the sky
scheming about something, while SLEEPING BEAUTY nods off.
Soon CINDERELLA dances in, humming.)
SONG #12: “CINDERELLA’S HUMMING SONG” (SEE NOTES)
. Sung to “I BELIEVE IN YOU”
(Not getting their attention, CINDERELLA playfully bangs
on the table. SLEEPING BEAUTY and SNOW WHITE finally
become alert and notice her.)
SLEEPING What-huh-wha-
SNOW You have your voice back?
(CINDER shakes her head. SNOW goes back to thinking.)
SLEEPING But you can hum? (CINDER nods, grins stupidly)
. Why, she’s humming again. So, what are you
. all happy about? (CINDER shrugs smugly)
. I take it you didn’t fight with your prince.
(CINDER shakes her head with a smile, then motions 37
to SLEEPING BEAUTY to ask her.)
SLEEPING Yes, we fought. Well, I did. As usual,
. he does NOTHING. But if he really cared for
. me, he WOULD fight. (CINDER looks confused)
. Don’t you think? (CINDER shrugs & shakes head)
. You think it’s me, don’t you?!
(CINDER tilts head as if it say, “duh.”)
SLEEPING I can’t believe you’d put all the blame on me.
(CINDER points to herself with a big motion and shrugs.)
SLEEPING So what are you saying? YOU were the reason
. you were fighting with your prince?
(CINDERELLA motions with her fingers “a bit”,
a head tilt, then motions a bigger portion.)
SLEEPING I see. It’s pretty big of you to admit that.
. (CINDER knocks on her head & makes goofy face)
. Wow, this is the best conversation I’ve ever
. had with you, ever! (CINDER nods agreement)
SNOW Oh please, get real. We have bigger things to
. focus on. Like seeing if the fairy godmother
. has learned anything yet. We really MUST get
. our hands on that secret potion.
SLEEPING We must? I say, we really must find that
. fairy godmother to undo the spell on
. Cinderella.
SNOW I kind of like her this way. (CINDER balks)
SLEEPING Well, I mean really – huh? – How are we going
. to call the fairy godmother, huh? She can’t
. tell us that stupid poem, and I certainly
. cannot remember it. (SNOW also balks)
. Well, can YOU remember it?
SNOW (giving it some thought) No, not at all!
SLEEPING There, you see!
SNOW Well, I was thinking of another plan – 38
SLEEPING I really don’t care about the whole aging
. thing.
SNOW Because YOU got 100 years worth of
. beauty sleep?
SLEEPING Everybody LOVES to dwell on how much sleep
. I got. It’s not like it’s the only big news
. around here. And NOW, I have to get ready
. for the ball. YES, it’s going to take me
. a while. I’m not the FASTEST princess around.
. I lack energy.
(SLEEPING BEAUTY leaves and SNOW WHITE shakes her head.)
SNOW So pathetic. But YOU understand what I’m
. talking about? Don’t you?
(CINDERELLA shrugs tentatively. SNOW WHITE then
becomes intense and begins to rant.)
SNOW Because if we can’t find that secret potion,
. Belle will continue to out shine us, and
. I just can’t have that. I mean, one minute I’m
. on top of the world, and the next – I’m just
. second-rate? I need to be on top again. Do you
. have any idea where I might find some poison?
(CINDERELLA looks at her with big eyes.)
SNOW Oh! Did I just say that out loud? I mean–ah –
. don’t you dare tell anyone! (remembering)
. Ah! Look who I’m talking to – the girl who
. cannot speak. And don’t look so shocked.
. You’re not that perfect either. Even if you
. COULD talk, no one believes what you say
. anymore! YOU’VE become notorious for being
. a big gossip. A big bitter gossip! Too bad-
. so sad! Well, see you at the ball, Cinderella.
(After SNOW WHITE exits, CINDERELLA’S eyes become very
big and she puts worried fists to her face. Realizing
what Snow White might be thinking, she rushes out.
When the lights go off, the furniture is pulled away.)
. STAGE LEFT 39
(WENDY stands before VILLAINS flanked by VILLAIN 1 & 2.)
WENDY Good evening and welcome to Villains Anonymous.
. My name is Wendy-
ALL Hello Wendy.
WENDY I am a villain. I’ve not done anything
. villainous for 2 years, 6 months, 3 weeks,
. and a day now.
SONG #13: “DON’T WANT TO GO BAD” (need to sing or speak,
. sing but don’t speak upper part)
. Sung to “CONSECRATE MY LIFE”
ALL (sing main line)
. What’s our next step, [dear-est] Wendy?
WENDY (sing main line) We re-qui-re more thought.
. Going bad [a-gain], is our greatest fear –
. we need this [meet-ing]!
ALL (sing upper part while Wendy sings main line)
. We fall down, We [make mis]-takes.
WENDY (sing main line) We don’t want to fall down,
. Or make any mistakes
ALL (sing main line) Going bad [a-gain],
. Quick! Let us get back to our meeting!
WENDY (sing main line) Does anyone want to change?
. You don’t have to hit [rock bot-tom]
. before choosing – to change
. It’s always one step at [a time].
WENDY (speaks) So is there someone else
. who would like to take the first step?
. Anyone? Even if you have, let’s say,
. turned a certain prince into a beast –
. or a frog - I’m just saying.
. It doesn’t matter what you have done.
. The past is the past, and NOW is the time
. to move forward – just one step at a time.
. BEFORE - it gets way out of control.
. 40
STAR (comes forward) Hi, my name is Starlight.
ALL Hello Starlight.
STAR And I am a villain. I have not done
. anything villainous for - 5 hours.
. My most infamous deed would have been when
. I put a spell on Sleeping Beauty to prick
. her finger on her 15th birthday and put her
. and her father’s entire kingdom to sleep,
. until some prince would get to her
. and break the spell by kissing her.
. Oh, and there was that little bit where
. I did set up a nasty barricade of thorns
. all around the entire castle so it would be
. pretty much impossible for any prince
. to ever get to her. Oh, and just lately,
. I may have had an old woman sell her
. a magic feather pillow to disrupt her
. REM cycle so she would wake up grumpy –
. everyday. And - I’m - very–very sorry.
WENDY Thank you, Starlight. We’re all here for you.
. Now, I know a lot of you are in the process
. of seeking reconciliation with some prince
. or princess somewhere. And you may be
. experiencing some difficulties in reaching
. some of these people in order to speak with
. them. Well, tonight the King is throwing
. a ball, where all the princes and princesses
. will be. As well, the entire kingdom seems
. to be invited, I don’t know if this some sort
. of mistake, but – here is your chance.
QUEEN (shaking her head) Uh! Leave it to a man
. to plan a party!
STEPMOM (raising her hand) Will Cinderella be there?
. (WENDY nods and STEPMOM goes to the front)
. Then, ah, I am the stepmother, and I am
. a villain. And I haven’t done something
. villainous for –
. (STEPSIS 1 tries to pull her down so she
. pinches her daughter who cries “OW”!)
. Ah... two seconds.
STEPS 2 (gets up) And I am a stepsister. 41
. I am a villain.
STEPS 1 (gets up) I am a stepsister too. And –
. (begrudgingly) I am a villain.
(EVERYONE looks at each other wondering what to say.)
ALL Helloooo... step - people.
WENDY Well, then, might I suggest that we all - go
. powder our faces or something and – you know -
. try to look respectable for the ball tonight.
. You know, so we don’t stick out too terribly.
STEPS 1 Where’s a fairy godmother when you need one?
(ALL help change the set around and exit.)
. CENTER STAGE
(DOORMAN waits at door. SNOW and P1 enter and wait.)
DOORMAN Announcing the arrival of Snow White and
. her Prince.
(SNOW WHITE and PRINCE 1 enter and walk in to stage left
area. SLEEPING BEAUTY and PRINCE 2 enter and wait.)
DOORMAN Sleeping Beauty and her Prince Charming!
(PRINCE 2 leads the sleepy, yawning SLEEPING BEAUTY to
stage right area. CINDER and PRINCE 3 enter and wait.)
DOORMAN Cinderella and her Prince!
(CINDERELLA and PRINCE 3 take a few steps to the left.
BELLE and PRINCE 4 enter and wait.)
DOORMAN Arriving fashionably late is Belle and
. her prince.
(As Belle’s name is said, SNOW WHITE stiffens and scowls.
CINDERELLA notices SNOW WHITE’S reaction and looks
for SLEEPING BEAUTY, who leans against the wall, asleep.
BELLE waves politely at everyone, and PRINCE 4 leads
her a few steps to the right. The KING now enters.)
. 42
DOORMAN And announcing the generous host of
. tonight’s ball, the king!
KING Thank you. Thank you all for coming. Please,
. make yourselves feel at home and have some fun.
(Everyone politely claps, then light dance music begins.
BELLE and P4 immediately dance in their little corner
and become absorbed in some intimate conversation.
SNOW WHITE’S jaw drops in jealousy. P1 waves a hand
toward the dance floor. Seeing that SNOW is consumed
with giving BELLE the evil eye, P1 shakes his head.
P2 waves toward the dance floor, but looking back
notices SLEEPING is totally out of it, and snoring.
He spreads his hands out in astonishment.
As PRINCE 1 & 2 go to the center of the floor,
CINDER playfully waves P3 to go join his buddies.
P3 playfully tweaks her cheek, and she leans in smiling
as he does. PRINCES 1, 2 & 3 meet at center stage.)
P2/charm Prince!
P1/snow Prince Charming. Prince.
P2/charm Prince.
P3/sleep Prince. Charming.
(KING joins in. All of the PRINCES give a slight bow.)
P2/charm King.
P1/snow King.
P3/sleep King.
KING Princes.
(BELLE hugs PRINCE 4. As he leaves her side, BELLE pulls
out a small mirror and some powder from her bag.
PRINCES 1, 2 & 3 notice PRINCE 4 approaching them.)
P 1-3 Prince!
P4/belle Princes. King.
KING Prince. So, how are you doing? 43
P4/belle Couldn’t be better!
(CINDERELLA looks over at SNOW WHITE and sees her fuming.
CINDERELLA tries to get the attention of SLEEPING BEAUTY.
SLEEPING slips a bit from her post against the wall
and wakes up. Looking around, she sees CINDERELLA waving
her over like a maniac. This also catches the attention
of SNOW WHITE. As SNOW WHITE slinks up to CINDERELLA,
CINDERELLA quickly calms herself and waves at SNOW WHITE
with an extremely sweet smile and gentle hand.
When SLEEPING BEAUTY joins the group, CINDER gives her
a “what took you so long” face, then quickly smiles back
at SNOW WHITE. But SNOW is staring at BELLE again.)
SNOW Just look at her. Do you think the powder
. she’s putting on her face is the secret potion?
(P4 returns to BELLE, who puts the powder back in the bag
and lays it on a side table. She and P4 dance again.)
SNOW I mean seriously, what does SHE have
. that we don’t have?
SLEEPING Happiness?
SNOW How can she be considered the fairest in
. the land? Look at her, she’s even wearing
. the exact same dress again that she wore
. at the LAST ball.
SLEEPING But she looks so happy.
SNOW I must find out what her secret potion is, and
. if not, well, first I’m going to try getting
. to her bag to see what exactly is inside.
(While SNOW eyes the side table where the bag lays,
CINDERELLA turns to SLEEPING BEAUTY and makes some
wild motions. SLEEPING BEAUTY perks up a bit.)
SONG #14: “I SENSE TROUBLE” (OPTIONAL)
. Sung to “THE LORD IS GOOD”
(As SLEEPING sings, SNOW fixes sinister stares at BELLE
and P4 as they dance.)
. 44
(DOORMAN walks around with a tray of drinks. Passing
by BELLE and P4, they take a drink and go to their table.
SNOW scowls now that BELLE is next to her bag again.)
SLEEPING (sings) I sense trouble, going on here.
. Something is happening,
. Snow White is not the same girl anymore.
. What is her plan?
. It looks like she’s not up to a-[ny good].
(As SLEEPING BEAUTY sings, {except for the Queen}
all of the VILLAINS enter. The women go to stage left
and all the men go to stage right. They all stand
in a line, like awkward geeks and shy wallflowers.)
SLEEPING (sings with more frenzy)
. I sense more [trou-ble], going on here.
. Something is happening,
. All fairy-land villains are ev’rywhere.
. What is their plan?
. It looks like they’re not up to a-[ny good].
. Nobody is up to any good.
(Seeing the STEPMOTHER and STEPSISTERS, CINDERELLA
points them out to SLEEPING BEAUTY. SLEEPING BEAUTY
drags CINDERELLA over to PRINCES 1, 2, & 3 and the KING
just as they finish grabbing a drink from the DOORMAN.)
SLEEPING (to KING, motioning toward the VILLAINS)
. What are THEY all doing here?
KING Who – what?
SLEEPING THEM! All of the villains!
(KING and PRINCES 1, 2, 3 look around at the villains.
STEPMOTHER shyly waves at HUNTER across the way.
He shyly waves back then draws circles with a foot.
STEPSISTERS nudge each other, giggling.
KING and PRINCES 1, 2, 3 turn back to each other.)
P1/snow It looks like the entire kingdom’s collection
. of villains are here.
(SNOW WHITE finally swoops up to the group.)
SNOW Father, what did you do! 45
KING I just sent the word out, that there was
. a ball –
SNOW As an open invitation to the entire kingdom?
(ALL their jaws drop. SLEEPING BEAUTY rolls her eyes.)
SLEEPING Leave it to a man to plan a party and send out
. the invitations! This is exactly how sinister
. issues develop.
SNOW (thinks then perks up) Well, I wouldn’t worry.
. Nothing has happened –yet. I will keep my eyes
. on them, while – you men go - figure out
. what should be done. If anything.
KING Oh, ah, good idea. Just be careful.
(SNOW walks around nonchalantly eyeing the villains.
KING and PRINCES 1 & 3 exit stage right.
SLEEPING grabs PRINCE 2’s arm and holds him back.)
SLEEPING I don’t know why, but I have a bad feeling
. about all of this.
P2/charm And we will come up with a plan.
(As PRINCE 2 leaves stage right to join the others,
all the CHILDREN come dancing in and making noise,
dancing all around SLEEPING BEAUTY.)
SLEEPING Oh, what now?! Could this get any worse?
(SLEEPING looks around at all the male VILLAINS standing
against the wall, and approaches the PIED PIPER.)
SLEEPING Are you the Pied Piper?
PIPER I am.
SLEEPING (pulls PIED PIPER aside) I will give you
. four six-pence if you will lure the children
. away from here. All of them!
PIPER But... that would be a villainous act.
. 46
SLEEPING I don’t care. These kids are driving me nuts.
. I want them gone. I need some peace...
. Children do not belong at balls. Please!
(PIED PIPER thinks about this. It is very tempting.
SLEEPING BEAUTY grabs his arm with desperation.)
SLEEPING I will give you four and TWENTY six-pence.
PIPER Awwww! Okay. Done.
(PIPER pulls out a recorder and begins to play a tune.
CHILDREN dance to it and follow PIPER as he leads them
around SLEEPING and out the main doors. SLEEPING is now
exhausted and leans up against her wall to fall asleep.
SNOW WHITE looks around at all the villains. Turning
to CINDERELLA, SNOW WHITE grins and laughs evilly.)
SNOW I have an idea. It would be so easy
. to poison Belle, and blame it on any ONE
. of these villains here. Now – I just need
. to get my hands on some poison. And an apple.
SONG #15: “I SENSE TROUBLE” (OPTIONAL)
. Sung to “THE LORD IS GOOD”
(As SNOW slowly, slyly slips away and walks toward
the VILLAINS, CINDER desperately looks around for
SLEEPING while humming the song that she just sang.
Meanwhile, SNOW goes from one villain to the the next
beginning with the women at far stage left – WENDY.)
SNOW (to WENDY) I’m in the market for
. some poison. Do you have any on you?
(WENDY shakes her head and shrugs. As SNOW moves on,
WENDY walks across the floor to HUNTER and whispers
something in his ear. Then WENDY leaves. HUNTER looks
around nervously, then tries to wave at STEPMOTHER again,
who shyly giggles and waves him off.)
(CINDER watches WENDY leave and then watches SNOW WHITE
whispering something to each villain. Seeing SLEEPING
asleep against the wall, CINDER rushes to stage right
and shakes her awake. CINDERELLA makes motions of
tiny fluttering wings, and waving a wand around.)
. 47
SLEEPING Huh? Ah, you want to find your fairy godmother?
. (CINDERELLA nods) Just how are you going
. to call her? You can’t speak.
(CINDER uses her hand to motion talking, then points
to SLEEPING BEAUTY.)
SLEEPING You want me to call her? But – I don’t
. remember the words. (CINDER thinks then starts
. doing charade motions, holding up one finger.)
. Oh, what, now you want to play a party game?
. Make up your mind. (CINDER stamps foot.)
. Oh, you’re going to act out the magic words.
. (CINDER holds up one finger firmly.)
. Ah, okay, ONE!? (CINDER does twinkle fingers.)
. Jazz hands? (CINDER shakes head & continues.)
. Flutter? Twinkle?... Wiggle?
. (CINDER shakes her head, then pulls her ear.)
. Ear stretch.
(As CINDERELLA stamps her foot, PETER PAN jumps out.)
PETER Oh! Cool! Party games! I LOVE games!
SLEEPING Hey, you’re a child! - Why - aren’t you
. with the other children? Ah...
PETER Well technically, I’m over a hundred years old.
SLEEPING Hey, so am I! Except you still look
. WAY younger.
(CINDERELLA lightly twacks SLEEPING BEAUTY’S shoulder.)
SLEEPING Ah! Oh, ah, okay, go on.
(CINDERELLA puts up one finger, then pulls and wiggles
her ear. PETER PAN gets into the game.)
PETER First word, sounds like – (CINDER shivers.)
. Shiver. (CINDER does her twinkle fingers.)
. Shimmer!
(Nodding, CINDER uses index fingers to form a cross.)
PETER Cross! Tee! – (getting it) AND!
. 48
(CINDER puts a finger on her nose and points
to PETER who crows at SLEEPING who rolls her eyes.
CINDER throws her fingers up and out.)
PETER Shine! - Shimmer and shine –
(CINDER nods and looks around. Grabbing SLEEPING
she puts an arm around her shoulders and rests
her head on SLEEPING’S shoulder lovingly.)
PETER Dear, sweet friend of mine.
(CINDER nods with excitement now. Her fingers
now twinkle and fall on herself.)
PETER Shower on me –
(CINDER throws out her hands and arms up to the side
and down again.)
PETER Whatever - I so incline!
(CINDERELLA jumps up and down clapping her hands.
SLEEPING BEAUTY slumps.)
SLEEPING This is why I hate games. I’m terrible
. at them. How in the world did you get that?
(PETER PAN shrugs. FAIRY GODMOTHER steps out eating
an apple. SLEEPING BEAUTY quickly grabs the apple away
and hides it behind her back.)
FAIRY G Hey, an apple a day keeps the doctor away,
. you know –
SLEEPING Snow White is in the vicinity. Best if
. she doesn’t see this. She’s been extra
. irritable lately.
FAIRY G (looking around, then back to CINDER)
. So you came to a ball wearing THAT?
. You know you could have just asked me
. for something WAY better.
. (CINDER motions to her mouth and shrugs big.)
. Oh right. So, you want your voice back again?
. (CINDER gives her a “duh” look.)
. 49
SLEEPING Duh! - I’m just translating. Hey, I got one!
PETER So you don’t need me anymore?
(CINDERELLA holds PETER there, nodding her head.)
FAIRY G Oh, well, let’s see if I can remember –
. (CINDER grabs PETER’S face to look at her.)
. Ah, it could have been “wiggidy-wack” – no.
(Meanwhile, SNOW WHITE has made her rounds and finishes
speaking with HUNTER who nods. SNOW looks around and
puts up a finger as if to think. Seeing the apple in
SLEEPING BEAUTY’S hand, she walks up from behind her and
takes it. CINDERELLA just watches, with eyes wide.)
SNOW An apple. Thanks, I could use one right now.
SLEEPING You hate apples.
FAIRY G An apple a day keeps the doctor away!
SNOW Exactly. Who likes being sick? See you girls
. later. Later, when I will be the fairest
. in the land again.
(SNOW WHITE slinks back to HUNTER to show him the apple.
CINDER claps her hands to get everyone’s attention again
and motions for FAIRYGODMOTHER to continue.)
FAIRY G Oh right, now where was I? Ah, “Rickety rack?”
(CINDERELLA holds up a finger to PETER PAN.)
PETER First word – (CINDER makes zigzag motions.)
. Ziggedy-zag –
(CINDERELLA pretends to have a purse, then takes it off
her shoulder to look into it, then “spills” it all over
the floor. She puts the “oops” fingers to her lips.)
PETER I don’t know about that stuff.
. That’s for girls.
SLEEPING Oh, DUMPING THE BAG!!! Dumping the bag! Yay!
. I’m getting better at this!
. 50
(CINDERELLA nods and gives an okay sign.)
FAIRY G Ah, I remember now, “Ziggedy-zag, dumping
. the bag, start again - to squabble and nag.”
(FAIRY GODMOTHER waves her wand and taps CINDERELLA.
CINDER slowly opens her mouth, then sighs and smiles.)
CINDER AhIiii-can I talk? I can talk!!! Oh,
. thank you. And I’m going to try NOT to
. squabble, nag OR gossip – anymore!
. (hugs PETER) THANK you. Thank you so much.
PETER Ewww, blech! Okay, no problems, really.
. (once free from the hug, he waves
. a “you’re welcome” and walks off.)
SLEEPING I guess kids aren’t all bad.
CINDER No, of course not. By the way, where ARE
. all the children?
SLEEPING Oops, I don’t know, ah, maybe – ah –
(As SLEEPING BEAUTY pretends to look around, CINDERELLA
remembers the urgent matter and waves off her question.
She grabs SLEEPING BEAUTY.)
CINDER Never mind-never mind. Listen, I have to tell
. you something very urgent! Snow White is up to
. something villainous. Very villainous!
. We have to stop her. Come on, we have to find
. the king and all the princes.
(CINDER drags SLEEPING off stage right. FAIRY GODMOTHER
exits and points her wand at SNOW WHITE on the way out.)
FAIRY G You owe me two apples now, young lady!
(SNOW at first rolls her eyes at FAIRY GODMOTHER then
turns back to HUNTER, putting a hand up to her chest,
almost swooning.)
SNOW (to HUNTER) Oh! Hear that? She called me
. “YOUNG” lady.
(SNOW quickly becomes more sinister.) 51
SNOW Well, soon, it will be “the most fairest young
. lady in the ENTIRE land!” Now, take me to your
. poison dealer like you promised. You owe me.
HUNTER As you wish. Follow me then.
(HUNTER leads SNOW WHITE across to stage left. Wearing
a mask, QUEEN steps out from the shadows. All VILLAINS
creep up and surround SNOW WHITE and the QUEEN.)
SNOW Do you have it? Do you have my poison?
QUEEN Snow White?
SNOW (gasping, suspicious) How - did you know
. my name? Wait, who are you? Show your face!
. (QUEEN takes off mask and turns to look right
. at SNOW WHITE, who then shrinks in fear.)
. It’s - YOU! I should have known!
. Who else would be selling poison!
(CINDERELLA now leads the way up to the group of VILLAINS
with KING, and PRINCE 1, 2, 3, following close behind.
FAIRY GODMOTHER and SLEEPING straggle behind them.)
CINDER Stop! We know what you’re doing!
QUEEN You do?
KING (to QUEEN) My – my estranged wife!
. It takes guts to come back here.
. And do my ears deceive me, are you pushing
. your poison on my daughter yet again?
CINDER No, they were all planning to poison Belle!
BELLE (stepping forward with P4) What?!
P4 Someone better explain what is going on here?
QUEEN Actually, this is an intervention for
. Snow White.
ALL NON-VILLAINS
. WHAT???
. 52
SNOW A what?! An intervention?
QUEEN You can search me for poison if you like,
. but you will not find any. I have abstained
. from all villainous deeds for some time now.
. (to KING) My support group here has encouraged
. me to pursue reconciliation with you and
. Snow White. I realize, it will take a bit
. before you can fully trust me again.
. But for now, we are here to stop Snow White
. from committing a very villainous act...
. She was, just now, in the market – for poison.
(The KING, PRINCES and BELLE gasp.)
SNOW (angrily) It was - for MYSELF.
QUEEN Yeees, it was completely selfish. You intended
. to give it to Belle, so YOU could be
. the fairest in the land.
SNOW You don’t understand – I used to be the
. fairest – until –
QUEEN Until YOU became ME! I understand completely.
SNOW What?! Nooo! How can you say that?!
SONG #16: “PLEASE DON’T BECOME LIKE ME” (sung or spoken)
. Sung to “WE REMEMBER YOU”
QUEEN (sings) I must apologize, for my actions.
. There’s absolutely [no ex]-cuse
. for what I did to you.
. It was my fault, my deeds, vanity, jealousy.
. I beg your forgiveness,
. for all my villainous acts.
. I plead for your forgiveness,
. so you will never become like me.
. I should have tried to be a loving step-mother.
. I should have tried to be selfless and devoted.
. Had I been happy for your great beauty
. we could [have been] a happy fam’ly.
. None-the-less - please forgive me.
. If you don’t – you hurt yourself –
. Those you love – It is a lonely life.
. 53
(QUEEN begins to just talk now [or continues talking])
QUEEN I – we ALL – love you – and want you to have
. a much happier life than we ever had.
. Please – see what you are about to do –
. and stop it before it even happens.
WENDY When you refuse to forgive your villains,
. you become bitter, and slowly become like them.
P1/snow Snow White, listen to them. You HAVE been –
. miserable for quite some time now –
. and now THIS!? You are becoming – a villain.
(SNOW gasps and throws the apple off stage. ALL duck.)
SNOW You’re so right. I’m sorry. How – how did
. I ever get to this point? (to BELLE) Belle,
. I’m so sorry for what I was intending to do.
. I was just so jealous that you had a secret
. potion to make you the fairest in the land,
. and I didn’t.
BELLE I don’t have a secret potion.
SNOW You don’t?! Then what is it?
BELLE Well, the marriage seminar that we attended?
. And we started going out on dates again.
P4/belle (stepping up) We have been working on our
. marriage a LOT lately. You know, there really
. isn’t a happily-ever-after unless you keep
. working on selflessness, and –
BELLE Forgiveness! And understanding each other.
P4/belle But forgiveness is a really big key.
QUEEN (to KING) I would not be opposed to going
. to a marriage seminar myself. If – if you want
. to give it another try?
KING I could certainly think about it. In fact,
. a royal decree – kingdom marriage seminars
. available to everyone.
. 54
(There are cheers from ALL except from SLEEPING & P2.)
P2/charm What do you say, Sleeping Beauty?
SLEEPING So you’re willing to admit that you’re upset?
P2/charm WHHAAAT should I be upset about?
SLEEPING So it’s just all me - it’s all my fault?
. Well then, you must REALLY resent me.
. Especially since you had to fight off all those
. thorns and dragons just to get through
. and then have to climb that huge mountain
. in order to reach my castle tower!
P2/charm So?
SLEEPING And after all of that – all you get is just me.
. A grouchy, tired, miserable me?
P2/charm For whatever reason, your perception is
. really off.
(WENDY pushes STARLIGHT forward. STARLIGHT sheepishly
steps up to SLEEPING BEAUTY.)
STAR Ah, hi, ah, Sleeping Beauty? It’s kind of
. my fault. I mean, it IS my fault.
SLEEPING Who are you?
STAR We’ve never really met. I am Starlight.
. The 13th fairy, who put that villainous spell
. on you. I – I – feel very terrible, and I am
. very, very sorry. I hope you can forgive me.
SLEEPING You? But why? Why did you do it?
STAR Your father invited the other twelve fairies
. to your first birthday party, and he forgot
. to invite me.
(ALL FEMALES nod with a groan knowingly.)
SLEEPING Oooh! I remember my mom telling me about that.
QUEEN Huh! See? Leave it to a man - to plan 55
. a party and send out the invitations!
SLEEPING Well, Mom was just furious that Dad forgot
. about you.
STAR Well, so was I. So much so that I wanted
. to take revenge for not being invited. While
. the other fairies gave you lovely gifts, I put
. a terrible spell on you. And, now, I realize
. it was very - petty. And I also realize that
. the whole 100 year sleep-thing over the entire
. kingdom might have been just a LITTLE excessive
. and a bit of an over-reaction.
SLEEPING You THINK?
STAR And I feel just terrible - just terrible
. about it.
P2/charm (to SLEEPING) Yes, but dear, if it hadn’t been
. for the spell, we would never have met.
SLEEPING This is true.
(WENDY pokes STARLIGHT to go on.)
STAR Oh, and I also had an old woman sell you
. a magic feather pillow that would make you
. not sleep well at night so you’d wake up tired
. and grumpy the next morning.
SLEEPING Really?
STAR Can you – pleeeaase - forgive ME?
(SLEEPING BEAUTY just stares angrily at STARLIGHT.
SNOW WHITE steps up beside SLEEPING BEAUTY.)
SNOW Go ahead and forgive her or you will only
. keep hurting yourself and those around you –
. and eventually – you WILL become the very thing
. that you despise. I do speak from experience.
SLEEPING Fine, I do forgive you. I suppose I’m relieved
. to hear that it wasn’t ALL me. I mean, okay,
. YOU caused the lousy lousy sleep, but –
. 56
(SLEEPING turns to P2.)
SLEEPING I still need to take ownership for
. the grouchy behavior. Will you please
. forgive ME for being a grouchy princess?
P2/charm And will you forgive me for not being
. understanding? I had no idea you felt
. THAT tired.
STAR As an “I’m so sorry gift”, I will get you
. a nice pillow. I promise!
(STEPMOTHER and STEPSISTERS all crowd around CINDERELLA.)
STEPMOM Please forgive us, too?
STEPS 2 For being such villains to you?
STEPS 1 We were all very selfish –
STEPS 2 And very bossy –
STEPMOM And very mean!
(CINDER hugs all of the STEPS. Couples start to dance.)
SONG #17: “HAPPY ENDING SONG” (WORDS TO SING OPTIONAL)
. Sung to “MAKE ME A SERVANT”
CINDER (sings) Yes I forgive you, for all you’ve done.
PRINCESSES (sings) We’ve not been perfect, forgive me too
ALL (sing) Let love be the center
. of all our hearts. So we can get [a-long]
. So we can have a, happy ever after life
(MUSIC continues to play while most dance. PETER PAN
steps out and offers to dance with villain WENDY.)
PETER Say, could you help me do an intervention
. for Captain Hook?
WENDY We should talk.
(When the waltz music ends, everyone waves goodbye. 57
This is interrupted by the PIED PIPER music as he marches
through leading all the children across the stage from
stage left to right and exits. EVERYONE stops to watch.)
PETER Hey! The children!
(PETER joins and follows the last child out.
CINDERELLA looks at SLEEPING BEAUTY with suspicion.)
CINDER Did you hire the Pied Piper to get rid
. of all the children?
SLEEPING Noooo! Yes! Oh! Oh! Wait! Come back. I’ve made
. a terrible mistake. Forgive me – everyone!
. Please forgive me. I’m so sorry.
. (runs after PIPER and CHILDREN yelling)
. Come back! Come back, children. Pied Piper,
. I’ve changed my mind. Come back!
(ALL wave to the congregation then run off after
the CHILDREN as if to get them back.)