. all rights belong to Tanis Harms -
. refer to www.church-skits.com
CHRISTMAS GATHERING - written by Tanis Harms
SCRIPTURE: Mt.1:18-12; Lk.1-2; Jn.3:16-17; 2 Thess.3:1-5
THEME: Hope – especially from the depths of despair.
STYLE: Drama with Christmas music
PREMISE: CAROLERS introduce the different problems.
. Each song goes into a specific family member’s
. struggles. As the family gathering progresses,
. each individual struggle comes to light.
NOTES: for MESSAGE, CAST, SET and PROPS
SCRIPT: SCENE 1 – STREET
(YOUNG CAROLER (C1) steps out onto upper center stage
and begins to sing “Oh Little Town of Bethlehem”.)
C1 (singing vs.1) O little town of Bethlehem,
. How still we see thee lie.
. Above they deep and dreamless sleep
. The silent stars go by.
. Yet in they dark streets shineth
. The everlasting Light;
. The hopes and fears of all the years
. Are met in thee tonight.
(GERALD and TINA slowly walk across the stage carrying
grocery bags. TINA starts to get teary eyed.)
TINA Oh, that’s so sweet.
GERALD They’re out rather early?
TINA I just think it’s sweet that they wrote a song
. about Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. I don’t know why
. Allentown doesn’t get their own song.
GERLAD I’ll call the mayor up in the morning.
TINA (snaps into stern mode) It’s Christmas, dear.
. It’ll have to wait until next week.
(C1 waves at TINA & GERALD who smile as they stop to
listen. Cdad enters and joins C1 in the song.)
. 2
C1 & Cdad (singing vs.2) How silently, how silently,
. The wondrous gift is given;
. So God imparts to human hearts
. The blessings of His Heaven.
. No ear may hear His coming,
. But in this world of sin,
. Where meek souls will receive Him still,
. The dear Christ enters in.
Cdad (almost singing) Lunch time!
. Mom sent me to get you.
C1 Aw. Well, can I go caroling again after lunch?
. (excitedly) Do you want to join me?
Cdad Ahhh, maybe - once I’m finished working.
(Going from sad to happy, C1 and Cdad exit.)
TINA Remember those days when the kids were young?
GERALD I remember THEN, but I don’t remember - THAT.
. SCENE 2 – HOUSE
(When GERALD and TINA enter the house, TINA pauses,
then places her grocery bag onto the dining room table.)
GERALD Are you all right? What did the doctor say
. about those tests you just had?
TINA (fans herself) The results weren’t in yet.
. I’m just tired. But, we should quickly
. eat something before everyone gets here.
GERALD They’re only coming for supper?
(TINA goes into an “I’ve told you this before” stance.)
TINA Dear, remember?! We went over all of this
. months ago. I just can’t do all of that anymore.
. I just can’t. I don’t know why, but I – can’t.
(TINA is on the verge of tears. Hating tears and
emotions, GERALD jumps quickly to comfort her.)
GERALD Okay-okay. It’s okay. I’m just getting old. 3
. I forget things. You’re running low on energy.
. We’ll just keep muddling through it all
. like we usually do.
(GERALD carries his grocery bags through the door
“to the rest of the house”. TINA follows, but forgets
the grocery bag on the table.)
. SCENE 3 – STREET
(C1 and C2 appear at upper center stage.)
C2 Aren’t we going to go from door to door?
C1 This is a good spot – close to the church.
. (points to church) AND lots of people walk by.
C2 It’s so quiet.
(C1 begins singing “Silent Night”.)
C1 (starting vs.4) Silent Night,
C2 (joins in with an echo) Silent night.
C1 Holy Night
C2 (echo going higher) Holy night
C1&2 (merging together, singing vs.4)
. Sleeps the world in peace tonight.
. God sends His Son to earth below
. A Child from whom all blessings flow
. Jesus embraces mankind.
. Jesus embraces mankind.
. (vs.6) Silent Night, Holy Night
. Mindful of mankind’s plight
. The Lord in Heav’n on high decreed
. From earthly woes we would be freed
. Jesus, God’s promise for peace.
. Jesus, God’s promise for peace.
. (vs.1) Silent night –
(Song is interrupted by DONALD, FRAN, BEN, LISA, and
OLIVIA clamoring onto stage carrying tons of bags and
parcels. The CAROLERS stop and watch in astonishment.)
. 4
OLIVIA MOM! DAD! My feet hurt!
BEN Wimp.
LISA Maybe if you stopped walking like an elephant.
OLIVIA Am not! Mom! Lisa and Ben are calling me names.
(FRAN stomps her way to the house ignoring everything.)
DONALD (to FRAN) The kids need you! Well? What’s wrong?
. Fran! Are you still not speaking to me?
FRAN (spinning around) What is wrong with ME?
. You’re so cheap, you made us take the bus.
DONALD It’s not a matter of being cheap. The car
. didn’t start. What can’t you understand that?
FRAN That you’re too cheap - to FIX our car.
DONALD Now is NOT the time to be talking about this.
LISA Yes. You’re totally embarrassing us.
. (LISA stares at the carolers)
. What are you staring at?!
C2 (mumbling to C1) Let’s get some hot cocoa?
(C1 & C2 shuffle off to the other side, while the family
continues toward the house.)
. SCENE 4 – HOUSE
(A surprised GERALD and TINA meet FAMILY at the door.)
TINA You’re – here – early.
GERALD Get in here kids, we don’t want to
. heat the town.
(FAMILY steps inside, dropping their things on the spot.
Hugs and kisses all around. Meanwhile FRAN places
their gifts under the tree.)
DONALD Hi Mom and Dad.
. 5
FRAN A smaller tree, Mom? Now kids – no touching
. any of the presents, you hear?
OLIVIA (gives big hugs) Hi Grandma and Grandpa.
. Did you get me the present I asked for?
FRAN (chastising with clenched teeth) Olivia!
TINA Oh-oh, you’ll just have to wait and see.
. (grabs FRAN in a hug) Oh, Merry Christmas, dear.
FRAN What’s for lunch, Mom?
TINA I thought I said – come after –
GERALD I’m pretty sure you did, dear.
BEN What?! But I’m starving!
GERALD Don’t worry, you won’t starve. I’m sure
. Grandma can scrounge up something.
TINA Because I’m just a diner, that way.
(TINA looks weary as she heads for the kitchen.
FRAN glares at DONALD as she stows their coats and bags,
then notices the neglected grocery bag on the table.)
DONALD I told you! Why don’t you ever listen to me-?
FRAN Oh, Mom, you need to put this bag of groceries
. away. How long has this been left out?
. Are there perishables in there?
DONALD Like if I’m not even there?
(TINA comes back to grab the bag with great efficiency,
then leads the way to the kitchen. FRAN follows
while she’s still speaking.)
FRAN I’ve been feeling so out of sorts lately.
TINA Tell me about it!
FRAN It started a few months ago.
TINA That was a clue that I’ve been- 6
FRAN Mom, you’re super woman, you never feel tired!
(TINA and FRAN have now exited while DONALD and GERALD
mime a conversation while sitting at the table.)
. SCENE 5 – STREET
(C3 & C4 follow C1 & C2 back out. They are all carrying
Styrofoam cups of “cocoa”.)
C3 Nice bumping into you. We should hang out after–
C2 Why don’t you join us? We’re caroling right now.
C3 I still have to buy my brother a present.
C4 (to C1&2) I’ll join you.
C3 (leaving) I’ll catch up with you guys later.
C4 (to C1) What are we going to sing?
C2 How about - “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing”?
Cs (singing vs.1) Hark! The herald angels sing,
. Glory to the new-born King,
. Peace on earth and mercy mild,
. God and sinner reconcil’d.
. (Chorus) Hark! The herald angels sing,
. Glory to the new-born King.
Cs (singing vs.2) Joyful all ye nations rise,
. Join the triumph of the skies,
. With the angelic host proclaim,
. Christ is born in Bethlehem
. (Chorus) Hark! The herald angels sing,
. Glory to the new-born King.
(BILL and ARLENE enter with their wrapped gifts,
from stage right and admire the singing.)
ARLENE Just like MY little angel, Merle.
. (looks around) Where’s Merle?-Where’s my baby?
(MERLE enters, spinning this way and that.)
. 7
BILL An angel with untold energy. If only we could
. harness that somehow. He’d be unstoppable.
ARLENE Please, I can hardly keep up as it is.
BILL Merle, spin this way and watch the nice people.
MERLE Beep-beep.
(CAROLERS jump out of the way while trying not to spill
their cocoa as MERLE spins haphazardly toward the house.)
. SCENE 6 – HOUSE
(MERLE enters in a spin, reeling through the doorway.
GERALD is at the door to greet them and is almost
knocked over. FRAN and TINA have joined the group again.)
GERALD Whoa! Merry Christmas – ahhhh - Merle.
MERLE Whoa – dizzy!
(GERALD barely manages to hug MERLE before the kid
is pulling away. Seeing BEN and LISA slumped on the sofa
playing their Gameboys and iPods, MERLE pats them all
on the heads as he heads for the tree.)
BEN Cut it out, squirt!
LISA Get lost, Merle.
ARLENE (nervous laughter) Isn’t he something!
GERALD He’s something, all right.
ARLENE (hugs) Ha ha, it’s just the A.D.H.D.
. Merry Christmas, Mom and Dad.
BILL Yeah, Merry Christmas-He gets his energy
. from our side. Right, Mom?
TINA Perhaps that is where all my energy went.
FRAN I felt a disturbance in the force, too.
MERLE PRESENTS!
. 8
(TINA winces out a smile. MERLE reaches the tree
and touches all the presents.)
OLIVIA Ah! Merle gets to touch all the presents!
FRAN Ah-ah-ah, stay away from the presents!
(ARLENE begins to fret and wants to say something,
but BILL holds her back. ARLENE comments aside to BILL.)
ARLENE But she’s starting already!
BILL That’s just what she does. Let it go.
. Just let it go.
MERLE I’M HUNGRY!
. SCENE 7 – STREET
(C1,2&4 finish their cocoa. C4 holds out her cup to C2.)
C4 Could you take my cup?
C2 Why thank you. Would you take mine?
C4 (laughs as they exchange garbage)
. Ohhhhh-kay? I thought maybe you knew
. where a trash bin was.
C2 Oooohhh. Here, wait.
(C2 takes out a felt pen and writes “gold” on a cup.
Exchanging cups again, C2 now starts to write on that.)
C2 How do you spell “frankincense?”
C1 “F” – “r” –
C2 “F-r” – for frankincense, and “M” for myrrh.
(As C2 finishes the “Fr,” C2 writes an “M” on C1’s cup.)
C1 Careful, I still have a bit of cocoa left.
(C5 wanders up and smiles.)
C5 What-cha all doing? 9
C4 Labeling our gifts “gold,” “frankincense”
. and “myrrh.”
C5 I mean, are you all caroling? Can I join?
C4 Sure, but you get to hold my cup!
C5 Wwwwhhyy?
C4 Because YOU are...
C5 Robert.
C4 Because you’re Robert, the NEW guy.
C5 That only makes sense.
(C5 takes the cup from C4. C1, C2 and C5 hold their cups
out like a gift-offering as C4 begins the song
“We Three Kings of Orient Are” and the rest join in.)
Cs (sing vs.1) We three kings of Orient are
. Bearing gifts, we traverse afar.
. Field and fountain, moor and mountain,
. Following yonder star.
. (Chorus) O Star of Wonder, Star of Night,
. Star with Royal Beauty bright
. Westward leading, still proceeding,
. Guide us to Thy perfect Light.
Cs (vs.4) Myrrh is mine, it’s bitter perfume;
. Breathes a life of gathering gloom; -
. Sorrowing, sighing,
. Bleeding, dying,
. Sealed in the stone-cold tomb.
. (Chorus) Ohhhh –
(PERRY and SANDRA enter, carrying fancy shopping bags,
pausing to listen with a critical ear as if it’s
a concert just for their personal benefit.)
PERRY Who in the world would buy BITTER perfume?
. Here - (putting some money into C1’s cup)
. by yourself some BETTER perfume.
(CAROLERS smile and hide their awkward giggles. 10
C1 quickly takes the bill out and shakes it dry.
C1 tries to give it back but PERRY motions a “stop” hand.
PERRY pulls SANDRA away from the carolers a bit and
goes into some motivational speech to SANDRA.)
PERRY Money! – the biggest motivator for
. entrepreneurial development and success.
SANDRA Great investment, honey.
PERRY Thank you. (to CAROLERS) And thank you, kids.
. Keep up the hard work. You may be discovered
. one day. Just – keep working on your harmonies.
C4 Ahhh, ooo-kay. Thank you?
(CAROLERS scratch their heads as PERRY and SANDRA
walk away.)
. SCENE 8 – HOUSE
(PERRY and SANDRA enter.)
PERRY Who wants presents?
OLIVIA Oh, me – I do-I do! Your presents are
. always the best.
FRAN Don’t – touch! (to PERRY) Hi, Perry.
. How’s Wall Street?
(FRAN kisses PERRY on the cheek, then gives SANDRA
a weak hug as SANDRA remains slightly aloof.)
PERRY More unpredictable than usual, sis’.
(SANDRA throws PERRY a curious look, then lightly
pecks TINA on the cheek.)
SANDRA Hi, Tina.
TINA Merry Christmas!
SANDRA Oh, yes, Merry Christmas. Gerald.
(GERALD grabs SANDRA in a big hug. SANDRA has no choice.)
. 11
GERALD How many times have I said? Call me “Dad”.
. Call me “Dad!” Let me hear it.
SANDRA (unsure) Daaaad.
PERRY (shaking GERALD’S hand) Hi Dad.
GERALD Ugh, you are way too serious. Where did your
. Mother and I go wrong?
(PERRY winces an overly polite smile. TINA and GERALD
walk away then remember the etiquette rules.)
GERALD Oh, sorry - won’t you please come in.
. And thus sit-tith, please.
(SANDRA hands a surprised TINA her fur stole to put away.
EVERYONE else gives a half-hearted hi to PERRY and SANDRA
as they primly sit down at the table. SANDRA forces
a smile at OLIVIA.)
SANDRA How are your ballet lessons coming, Olivia?
OLIVIA (copying the air) Very well, Sandra.
FRAN (correcting OLIVIA) AUNTIE Sandra! Olivia!
(SANDRA gives a mischievous shrug to OLIVIA.)
OLIVIA I LOVE you, “AUNTIE” Sandra.
(OLIVIA hugs SANDRA like royalty. ARLENE rolls her eyes.
FRAN grits her teeth and stomps out of the room.
TINA enters at this point and wonders what’s happened.
SANDRA makes a pristine reaction and OLIVIA copies her.)
ARLENE Whoa! Touchy!
SANDRA Are you referring to me?
BILL Are you kidding! You’re anything but touchy.
PERRY What is THAT supposed to mean?
DONALD She’s not the warmest fish in the pond.
PERRY Well, she’s MY fish! 12
. (SANDRA gives PERRY an odd look.)
. And - the BEST fish in the pond.
TINA Yeah, and that sounds so much better, dear.
GERALD Our family isn’t exactly known for our poetry.
BEN (makes up a poem while still playing his game)
. She’s a fish, in the pond of life,
. but she’s my fish, and she’s my wife.
(GERALD motions to BEN as if – “Prime example.”)
PERRY Better stick with your day job.
BEN I’m not allowed to have a job.
PERRY (to DONALD) Why don’t you let your kids work?
. They should get a job as soon as they’re ten.
DONALD I don’t want them turning into you, Perry.
. Education comes first.
BILL (agreeing) And we can’t forget to play.
TINA You can’t ignore responsibilities-
BILL Oh, Mom, could you get me something to drink?
TINA Sure, because I’m here just to serve you.
(TINA stomps out. BILL and DONALD react sarcastically.)
. SCENE 9 – STREET
(CAROLERS have gotten rid of their cups. C3 walks up.)
C3 Whoot! I’m finished. My brother is hardly
. the easiest person to shop for.
C4 What you get him?
C3 Ha! You know you can’t keep secrets.!
. (to Robert) Hello.
C5 I’m Robert.
. 13
C3 Cassandra. (to ALL) So what are we singing?
C1 Um, what’s your favorite song?
(C3 begins to sing “It Came Upon the Midnight Clear”.
The others join in.)
C3 (vs.1) It came upon the midnight clear,
Cs (joining in) That glorious song of old,
. From angels bending near the earth,
. To touch their harps of gold,
. “Peace on the earth, good will to men,
. From heaven’s all gracious King”
. The world in solemn stillness lay,
. To hear the angels sing.
. (vs.3) Yet with the woes of sin and strife,
. The world has suffered long.
. Beneath the angel-strain have rolled,
. Two thousand years of wrong.
. And man at war with man hears not
. The love song which they bring.
. O hush the noise, ye men of strife,
. And hear the angels sing.
(NED swaggers in with CLARE who tries to hang on
his arm and a casserole dish at the same time.)
CLARE Don’t go so fast. It’s slippery. Do you WANT me
. to slip and break my neck?
NED You would do that just to drag me down more,
. wouldn’t you?
CLARE Oh look, carolers. You don’t hear THAT everyday.
NED And we’d hear MORE if you’d be quiet.
CLARE (rolls her eyes) Well, I hope you’re listening.
. They’re singing about PEACE between people.
NED (referring to the word in the song “war”)
. I think they also sang about us being at war.
. See? They know.
CLARE It’s always a FIGHT with you. 14
NED Why did I bring you along again? Oh yes,
. you didn’t have anything better to do,
. and I wanted to keep the family off my back
. about still being single. But please –
. I’d appreciate you staying off my back as well.
. It’s not like we’re married – so you have
. no right being there in the first place.
CLARE Why do I put up with such a self-centered,
. uncommitting jerk.
NED “Uncommitting”, Clare? That’s not even
. a proper word.
CLARE And you don’t know the definition of “proper.”
. SCENE 10 – HOUSE
(NED flies into the house and strikes a macho pose.
CLARE stands behind him unsure.)
BEN &
LISA Uncle Ned!
FRAN Late as usual.
TINA Actually, the rest of you were way too early,
. and Ned is right on time.
NED What? You mean I had more time to kill?!
SANDRA (to DONALD) What does she mean, we were
. too early? (DONALD shrugs)
TINA Ned, who’s your friend?
NED Ahhh, this is Clare.
FRAN Oh? Another new one.
NED (sarcastically) Merry Christmas, sis.
FRAN (to CLARE) Hi, I’m Fran.
PERRY Welcome to the madness. (SANDRA coolly nods.)
. 15
BILL (now noticing) Oooo, a new one! Nice to
. meet you, Clare, was it?
(CLARE nods tentatively. TINA hugs NED, while GERALD
shakes CLARE’S hand. TINA gives CLARE a reassuring hug.)
TINA Welcome to our house, dear.
GERALD (waving CLARE in) Make yourself homesick.
PERRY (sarcastically) THAT - never gets old.
NED Where’s lunch?
(A frazzled gasp in the disguise of a laugh escapes TINA.
Just then the phone rings.)
TINA I’ll get that. (to NED) Just - go into
. the kitchen and make yourself something.
NED I have to make it myself?
BILL That’s what you get for coming late.
CLARE I-I could help you.
NED Don’t sweat it. Mom will get it.
(NED sits down and motions CLARE to park it.
Still unsure, CLARE sets casserole down onto the table
and meekly takes a chair next to NED.)
TINA (tries to ignore the remark and answers phone)
. Hello? Oh – hello. Yes, this is she...
. So what you’re saying is – it IS negative.
. That means it’s NOT good?... Oh, it IS good.
. But?... I see... THAT is not good...
. Well, YOU may think that’s good news...
. (mumbling) I suppose something like that
. eventually happens to all of us. (hanging up)
GERALD (noticing) Is everything all right?
(TINA just glares at GERALD who then wonders.)
BILL What is there to snack on, Mom? We’re starving.
. 16
MERLE I want some candy!
DONALD Yes, get this kid some candy – that’s what
. he needs.
FRAN Couldn’t we maybe slip that kid a valium?
PERRY Maybe something with calcium would slow
. the kid down.
ARLENE (seething) The KID’S NAME is MERLE.
(Everyone ignores TINA as she sets the table herself
with disposable dishes. GERALD approaches TINA.)
GERALD I thought you were going to use those for supper?
TINA I guess I’ll be watching dishes until late.
GERALD I’ll go out later and buy some extra stuff.
(MERLE throws himself onto the sofa between BEN and LISA
who complain. SANDRA stares wide-eyed at TINA’S table-
setting and comments after TINA exits to kitchen.)
SANDRA Perry! She’s using paper plates. I told you
. we should have had Christmas at our place.
PERRY Right, so the penthouse could be torn apart by
. these kids.
(SANDRA agrees with a reluctant nod. TINA comes back
with cereal and milk.)
NED (sarcastically) Way to outdo yourself, Mom.
PERRY You’ll be using china for supper though, right?
TINA Only if you all help wash them.
(Long pause of silence. TINA puts cereal and milk down
onto table. NED pushes the casserole to the center.)
NED Hey, we can eat Clare’s dish right now. I’m sure
. it’s not up to our usual supper-standard anyway.
. But it’s probably better than cereal.
. 17
TINA (seeing CLARE’s hurt expression)
. That was very nice of you to bring something,
. Clare. I’m sure it tastes great.
FRAN (aside to CLARE) Next time don’t bring anything.
. You’re making us all look bad.
(Laughing hysterically, TINA quickly slips outside.)
. SCENE 11 – STREET
(TINA now starts crying and stands close to the house
trying to get it under control and dry her eyes, as
the CAROLERS sing “Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee.”
An older LADY [Clady] walks up to the CAROLERS.)
Cs (vs.1) Joyful, joyful, we adore Thee,
. God of glory, Lord of love;
Clady Oh, I LOVE this song.
C2 Hi, Mrs. Wellington. You can join us.
Clady You wouldn’t mind?
(Clady joins, putting an arm around C2’s shoulders.)
Cs Hearts unfold like flow’rs before Thee,
. Op’ning to the sun above.
. Melt the clouds of sin and sadness,
. Drive the dark of doubt away,
. Giver of immortal gladness,
. Fill us with the light of day.
. (vs.3) Thou art giving and forgiving,
. Wellspring of the joy of living,
. Ocean-depth of happy rest!
. Thou our Father, Christ our Brother-
. All who live in love are Thine;
. Teach us how to love each other,
. Lift us to the joy divine.
C3 (seeing TINA) Did you want to join us too?
(TINA shakes her head. CAROLERS continue singing as TINA
steps forward to share her thoughts with congregation.)
. 18
TINA What in the world is there to be joyful about?
. I’ve been feeling miserable, and now, the news
. from the doctor didn’t exactly excite me.
. As usual, I’ll probably feel very alone as I go
. through all this. I’m just wondering where the
. compassion is? Where is the love and support?
. Can they not read my mind that I need their help?
(TINA finishes drying her eyes, then goes back to
the house.)
Clady I have a feeling we should pray for that lady.
C5 I think so too.
(The CAROLERS bow in a circle of prayer.)
. SCENE 12 – HOUSE
(TINA enters and disappears into the kitchen. FRAN tries
to take a bite of casserole, then she rushes into
the kitchen door like she needs to throw up.)
NED I warned you about Clare’s casserole.
(CLARE moves to the sofa and hides her face.)
BILL What’s up with all the women?
DONALD Didn’t you know? Christmas is a stressful
. time of year. I don’t know WHY women insist
. on making everything so complicated. And does
. it HAVE to be all fancy-schmancy?
PERRY We’re talking class, Donald. If you don’t bother
. to distinguish yourself from the rest, you’ll
. never get ahead.
DONALD Right now - I don’t give a RIP about class or –
. being distinguished. And what does Christmas
. celebrations have to do with being distinguished
. or getting ahead?
NED That’s just more pressure to be something
. that you’re not.
DONALD Was that a slight against ME or Donald? 19
NED Your choice. Just don’t expect me to conform
. either way. I march to my own drum.
BEN (making up a poem as he still plays his game)
. I only march, to my own drum.
. I do what I want, even if it’s dumb.
PERRY (to DONALD) I worry about your son.
LISA He’s just trying to improve the fate of
. our family’s reputation.
NED Why does everyone think everything needs
. changing?
(Fran slips back into the living room, then sneaks
outside with her purse.)
. SCENE 13 – STREET
(FRAN clutches her purse as she rushes to the pharmacy
and enters. Meanwhile CAROLERS sing “What Child Is
This?” A few more CAROLERS have joined the group.)
Cs (vs.1) What Child is this who, laid to rest
. On Mary’s lap is sleeping?
. Whom angels greet with anthems sweet,
. While shepherds watch are keeping?
. (Chorus) This, this is Christ the King,
. Whom shepherds guard and angels sing
. Haste, haste to bring Him laud,
. The Babe, the Son of Mary.
(FRAN now clutches a bag as well as her purse, and rushes
back toward the house.)
Cs (sing vs.1 again) What child is this – who –
(FRAN looks frantically at the CAROLERS, yelling back.)
FRAN It’s none of your business!
(Confused CAROLERS continue to sing as FRAN steps
forward to express her thoughts to the audience.)
FRAN What - DO THEY KNOW? I don’t want them 20
. blabbing about ANY child until the FACTS are in.
. Who are THEY to gossip about people having
. babies! They sing this stuff like it’s good news
. or something. It is NOT good news! Not at this
. point in time! It’s the last bit of news
. I need to hear right now. Night feedings,
. diapers, the constant dependency! I’m done.
. I’m tired. When is it my turn? Huh?
. (to CAROLERS) When is it my turn?
(FRAN rushes back inside. CAROLERS look at each other
a bit perplexed. They seem to bow in prayer again.)
. SCENE 14 – HOUSE
(As FRAN enters, MERLE runs into her. FRAN holds
her stomach in pain.)
FRAN Merle! Will you just sit down for a minute
. and cool it!
ARLENE Excuse me, he’s my child. I’ll handle this.
FRAN I wish you would!
(MERLE dances and spins and falls onto BEN and LISA.
They push him off and he falls over the coffee table,
falls to the floor, writhing in pretend exaggerated
pain and groaning.)
FRAN Can’t you get your kid under control?
ARLENE You don’t understand - Merle is ADHD.
DONALD You’ve had him tested?
ARLENE Not yet.
FRAN He just needs some discipline is all!
(FRAN walks into the kitchen area still trying to hide
her purchase.)
PERRY I say - get the kid some medication – and fast.
SANDRA And how.
. 21
NED I’d throw him into the shed, myself.
CLARE You would?!
(BILL grabs MERLE and tickles him.)
BILL I’ll get you to settle down. I’ll get you –
ARLENE Bill, please, that doesn’t help, and you know it.
PERRY I think Bill is ADHD.
(BILL picks MERLE up in a fireman’s carry. MERLE
squeals with laughter. SANDRA rolls her eyes.)
BILL What should I do with Merle, huh? Should
. I - through him away?
MERLE Nooooo!
PERRY (under his breath) Yes!
BILL Should I give him a beard-burn on his stomach?
MERLE Noooooo!
SANDRA Every year the torture becomes greater.
PERRY (pats SANDRA’S hand, sighing) I’ll make it up
. to you, dear. (to BILL) Bill, you always WERE
. such a brat. No wonder you’re raising one.
(ARLENE stifles her crying and rushes outside.)
. SCENE 15 – STREET
(ARLENE stands by the house trying to hold back her
tears, as CAROLERS sing “Angels We Have Heard on High”.
Even more people have joined the group.)
Cs (vs.1) Angels we have heard on high
. Sweetly singing o’er the plains,
. And the mountains in reply
. Echoing their joyous strains
. (Chorus) Gloria, in excelsis Deo!
. Gloria, in excelsis Deo!
. 22
. (4) See Him in a manger laid,
. Whom the choirs of angels praise;
. Mary, Joseph, lend your aid,
. While our hearts in love we raise.
. (Chorus) Gloria, in excelsis Deo!
. Gloria, in excelsis Deo!
(Finally feeling in control of her emotions, ARLENE steps
forward to address the congregation.)
ARLENE Why can’t my child be that perfect? That WAS my
. dream you know. I thought my baby would be the
. answer to all my dreams and give me purpose
. in life. So he could be what I could never be.
. (cheering herself on) Positive thoughts-
. positive thoughts. Children are a blessing.
. My son IS perfect. It’ll be okay. I just need
. to stay positive, then anything is possible.
(Feeling centered again, ARLENE goes back in the house.)
. SCENE 16 – HOUSE
(Inside, all of the kids are out of control, screaming.
OLIVIA tries ripping the Gameboy out of BEN’s hands.)
BEN Dad! Olivia is getting on my nerves.
OLIVIA I want to try playing the Gameboy! It should be
. my turn. Dad, it’s my turn.
(MERLE pants like a dog and licks LISA, then barks.)
LISA Merle, get off of me! Get off! Down, boy!
SANDRA Why don’t you all go outside and play?
MERLE Don’t want to.
PERRY You could find some kids to play with – OUTSIDE.
MERLE Don’t WANT TO!
(The KIDS continue to bicker and grunt.)
SANDRA I’M ready to step outside.
. 23
PERRY I’ll get your coat. I want to give you –
SANDRA What?
PERRY I want to –
SANDRA I’m sorry, I can’t hear you.
(Grabbing their coats, PERRY and SANDRA walk out
without waiting to put them on.)
. SCENE 17 – STREET
(PERRY and SANDRA step out and put on their coats there.
Hearing the CAROLERS sing “The Twelve Days of Christmas”,
they cuddle and listen.)
Cs On the twelfth day of Christmas,
. My true love sent to me
. Twelve lords a-leaping,
. Eleven ladies dancing,
. Ten pipers piping,
. Nine drummers drumming,
. Eight maids a-milking,
. Seven swans a-swimming,
. Six geese a-laying,
. Five golden rings.
. Four calling birds,
. Three French hens,
. Two turtle doves,
. And a partridge in a pear tree.
PERRY There you go. A song I know.
. (to SANDRA) And for the record, I’d give you
. all of that and MORE.
C4 The gifts actually stand for something else.
PERRY Whatever. It’s all about the toys and the bling,
. right? And speaking of bling... (to CAROLERS)
. Oh, could you provide us a subtle background
. song? The tip I gave you before is still good,
. right? Great.
(Unsure, CAROLERS hum “The Twelve Days of Christmas.”)
(PERRY pulls out a small present and hands it 24
to SANDRA who opens it very purposefully.
It is a box - which holds a – tennis bracelet.)
SANDRA Oh, ahhh, it’s only - a single strand. Ah,
. it’s – okay, I just wanted–well, I was expecting
. a double strand at least. (angrier now)
. Aren’t I WORTH more than that?
PERRY You are – Sandra.
SANDRA And here I bought you a Rolex –
PERRY (blurting out) Sandra-we’re broke.
SANDRA (without balking) No, we’re just in debt.
. (lightly) We can just get another credit card.
PERRY Sandra, our spending exceeds our minimum monthly
. payments.
SANDRA (still trying to bring logic into the picture)
. Sooo, we just neeeed to pay the minimum payments.
PERRY Let me put it another way. Our earnings –
. will not even cover what our minimum payments
. need to be.
SANDRA (pause) What EXACTLY does this mean, PERRY?
PERRY (longer pause) We’ll – have to cut - spending...
. Sell a few things.
SANDRA Well, you can start with THIS, then!
(SANDRA throws the bracelet at PERRY and marches inside.)
. SCENE 18 – HOUSE
(PERRY follows SANDRA in. He grabs her arms to stop her
and puts the bracelet on her wrist.)
PERRY This is your Christmas present, Sandra! And
. I would love for you to wear it - right now!
(FRAN shuffles back into the room, in shock. Seeing the
bracelet, she can’t help but be struck with jealousy.)
. 25
FRAN Wooooow!
DONALD (sarcastic) Yeah, real fancy-schmancy.
FRAN (sadly) Sure would be nice.
OLIVIA No fair! I want to open presents right now.
FRAN (wearily to Perry) You couldn’t have done
. that in private so as not to cause a riot?
PERRY I DID try.
(OLIVIA stomps around the room.)
FRAN Olivia, please! We always wait until after
. supper.
OLIVER Then I’m going to ask everyone. (going to NED)
. What did you get me, Uncle Ned?
NED Nothing. I don’t believe in giving presents.
CLARE Not even ME?
NED Why would I get you something?
CLARE (hurt, unsure) I - got YOU something.
NED I refuse to be controlled by social conformity.
CLARE Silly me. I suppose I should have discussed
. this with you.
NED Why discuss anything?
CLARE Then I will – assume from now on – that you are
. always a self-centered - noncaring-
NED “Noncaring? You’re making up words again.
CLARE Oh, and let me add “critical” to the list.
TINA Maybe this is all my fault.
(EVERYONE stops in shock, confused at the statement.)
. 26
TINA Well, we were never big on discussing anything,
. or sharing each other’s concerns. But -
. I have something to discuss and share right now.
. (silence) The doctor’s office called earlier...
FRAN Mom, are you dying?
BILL Is it the C-word?
PERRY Well we’ll just – find the best doctor money
. can buy-
DONALD Will you just shut UP with your money.
LISA Cancer? You have cancer?
OLIVER We’re all going to die!
TINA Calm down, everyone. The tests were negative
. for that... But I have – begun...
. (becomes very solemn) - my change in life.
BEN Huh?
FRAN Menopause?
GERALD Oh-oh.
NED (angrily to Mom) Now why would you start
. discussing now? Why would you go and tell us
. THAT on Christmas Eve, anyway!
TINA Ned, you’re my baby and I love you. But you need
. to stop acting like a baby. And – I – need
. to stop treating you like a one. I should have
. done that a long time ago.
(ARLENE listens closely to the conversation.)
NED Why does everyone try to CHANGE me?
GERALD Son, this isn’t exactly about you, now is it.
NED This is who I am, and if you don’t like it,
. tough! (storms outside)
. SCENE 19 – STREET 27
(NED paces in front of the CAROLERS as they sing
“Go, Tell it on the Mountain”)
Cs (sing vs.1) While shepherds kept their watching
. O’er silent flocks by night,
. Behold throughout the heavens
. There shone a holy light –
NED Don’t ANY of you have homes?!
Cs (singing) Gooooo, tell it on the mountain –
NED Don’t tell me where to go!
CAROLER (apologetic) No, it’s part of a song.
(CAROLERS continue singing softly.)
Cs (continue singing) Over the hills and everywhere;
. Go tell it on the mountain
. That Jesus Christ is born.
. (verse) When I was a seeker,
. I sought both night and day.
. I sought the Lord to help me,
. and He showed me the way.
Cs (singing chorus) Go, tell it on the mountain
. Over the hills and everywhere;
. Go tell it on the mountain
. That Jesus Christ is born.
NED (addresses the congregation angrily during son)
. Well, it’s rude anyway. I don’t want any sort
. of GOOD NEWS shoved down my throat! Nothing good
. has ever happened to me, anyway. And when it has
. it’s always been too good to be true. As soon as
. it comes, it goes, or turns SOUR. Like, every
. time I meet a woman, and I start to think, “Hey,
. maybe this could be the one who’ll make my life
. completely happy,” it always ends the same way...
. she does something stupid that makes me angry,
. and then somehow it’s always ALL MY fault.
. I’ve just learned: take what you can – and run.
(NED turns to the CAROLERS and waits for the ending.)
NED Interesting. So some BABY showed you the 28
. way? Thank you, I NEEDED some comic relief.
. (NED goes back inside. CAROLERS bow in prayer.)
. SCENE 20 – HOUSE
(NED enters and sees FRAN in tears and clinging to TINA.
ARLENE stands by helplessly. PERRY and SANDRA sit fuming
at the table. OLIVIA sneaks her present from under
the tree. Taking it to the side, she opens it.)
TINA (to FRAN) Your compassion is overwhelming -
. and weird - but I’ll take it.
FRAN It’s not that.
TINA Of course it isn’t, dear. There-there.
OLIVIA (angry) Hey! I wanted a PONY for Christmas.
(FRAN breaks away from TINA and quickly wipes her tears.)
FRAN (to OLIVIA) I told you not to touch any
. of the presents.
OLIVIA But Auntie Sandra got to open hers!
. And I wanted to get a pony for Christmas!
FRAN You DID.
OLIVIA My LITTLE pony!? All I got was one My LITTLE
. Pony? It’s not REAL. I wanted a REAL pony!
. A HORSE! Grrr. (stomps her way outside)
. SCENE 21 – STREET
(CAROLERS sing “Good Christian Men Rejoice” as they watch
OLIVIA fall to the ground and have a temper tantrum.)
Cs (sing vs.1) Good Christian friends, rejoice
. With heart and soul and voice;
. Now you know of endless bliss:
. Jesus Christ was born for this!
. God has opened heaven’s door,
. And you are blessed forevermore.
. Christ was born for this,
. Christ was born for this.
. 29
. (sing vs.3) Good Christian friends, rejoice
. with heart and soul and voice;
. now you heed to what we say:
. Jesus Christ was born today;
. Ox and ass before him bow,
. Asleep within the manger now
. Christ is born today.
. Christ is born today.
OLIVIA (at “Ox and ass,” turns to congregation)
. I wanted a pony! Ox and ass, whatever!
. Cows and donkeys!-But where’s the HORSE?
. Is there a HORSE? I don’t THINK so!
. Shouldn’t we always get what we ask for?
. I guess I’ll have to keep crying about it,
. until I get my way! (stomps back inside)
. SCENE 22 – HOUSE
(OLIVIA stomps in and the family is still arguing.
OLIVIA sees GERALD sitting alone with his head propped up
in his hand.)
OLIVIA Grandpa, are you sad? Well, I’m sad too.
. I didn’t get what I wanted? Not at all.
GERALD But what if you got what you THOUGHT you wanted,
. and it turned out to be a BAD thing.
OLIVIA What can be BAD about a PONY?
GERALD You have to have a very big place to put it.
. It eats a lot, and with that, it – poops a lot.
OLIVIA (balks) As much as our neighbor’s big dog?
GERALD WAY more!
OLIVIA I’m going to have to think some more about this.
GERALD Yes, I suppose you will.
OLIVIA Maybe Dad will buy a bigger place so I can have
. a pony.
GERALD I – don’t know about that.
. 30
(GERALD pats OLIVIA’S head and exits.)
TINA Where are you going, dear?
GERALD I’m... going to buy more disposable dishes.
. (TINA breaks down crying.)
. Should I not go? What’s wrong?
TINA (sobbing) Memory loss is part of menopause.
GERALD AND emotional outbursts?
. (TINA sudden stops crying and becomes angry.)
. Oh! Is there anything else I should buy?
TINA Might as well get some extra snacks – while
. you’re getting the – ah... (thinking)
GERALD Disposable dishes?
TINA (breaking down again) YEEESssssss.
(GERALD nods and quickly leaves.)
. SCENE 23 – STREET
(GERALD shuffles past the CAROLERS as they sing
“God Bless You, Merry Gentlemen”. )
Cs (vs.4) God bless the Master of this house
. And Mis-ter-ess also;
. God bless the little children
. That round the table go;
. God bless their friends and kindred,
. That come from far and near;
. May the Lord send a happy New Year,
. Happy New year,
. May the Lord send a happy New Year.
(While Carolers sing, GERALD address the congregation.)
GERALD Why don’t we get what we want? Why don’t I have
. such a family? Blessed? And merry?! I wish!
. Maybe if I had been a better father and been
. there more. Why wasn’t I with them more?
. Sometimes I feel like these kids of mine –
. are strangers. I don’t even really know them.
. 31
(GERALD takes a step toward the store and stops.)
GERALD And if I don’t really know them, how can I even
. begin to help them? Although, they certainly
. don’t want MY help. What would an old fuddy-
. duddy know anyway, right? Except, we went
. through the same things they are going through.
. Technology is different, but the problems are
. all the same. Tina and I muddled through them.
. And - why in the world are we content with just
. muddling through things? I wish things would -
. just work out. I wish... whatever.
(GERALD turns again and sees that the CAROLERS have now
formed another prayer circle. GERALD stops again.)
GERALD Or, should I pray? Is there something to that?
. I suppose, how would I know, if I never try.
(CAROLERS now continue singing as GERALD briefly goes to
a silent prayer, then continues to the store and enters.)
Cs (vs.1) God bless you, merry gentlemen,
. Let nothing you dismay;
. Remember Christ our Savior
. Was born on Christmas Day
. To save poor souls from Satan’s power,
. That long have gone astray –
. Which brings tidings of comfort and joy
. Comfort and joy
. Which brings tidings of comfort and joy.
(As the song ends, GERALD comes out with a shopping bag, and
waves back at the CAROLERS as he returns to home.)
. SCENE 24 – HOUSE
(GERALD enters to the fighting family. His countenance
falls. He hands the grocery bag to TINA who brings it
to the kitchen.)
OLIVIA (to FRAN) But why DON’T you BUY a farm and
. THEN get me a pony!?
ARLENE (to BILL) Look who has a brat now.
FRAN Will you stop with the pony! It’s completely 32
. impractical. You’re smart, figure it out!
(Seeing OLIVIA’S hurt expression, FRAN shakes her head.)
FRAN I’m sorry Olivia –
LISA You shouldn’t be sorry. She totally asked
. for it.
OLIVIA (yelling) This is SO NOT FAIR!!!
ARLENE Yelling is always unacceptable.
FRAN Arlene, don’t start with me!
(TINA comes back from the kitchen. TINA and GERALD hold
each other as they watch their family unravel.)
ARLENE Me start? You’re worse than your usual critical,
. controlling self!
FRAN I’M PREGNANT! What’s your excuse?
. (shocked) Did I just say that out loud?
. Okay! I did. And, I’m pregnant!
DONALD You can’t be pregnant! Fran - it’s so not
. a good time.
FRAN Oh, I’m sorry, should I reschedule?
DONALD (frantic) We can’t afford this-I don’t have
. a job.
(There’s a long awkward pause. BEN and LISA’S jaws drop.)
FRAN You’re unemployed?... When did this happen?
. When were you planning on telling me?
SANDRA (to CLARE) If you like drama, you sure picked
. a GREAT year to join us.
CLARE And here I thought I was going to miss my
. soap opera.
SANDRA (snobbishly agreeing) Hmmmm.
(MERLE skips around singing “Jingle Bells”.) 33
FRAN Can that kid please shut up? He’s not ADHD.
ARLENE Maybe your NEXT child will be ADHD and
. then you’ll see.
GERALD Could – everyone - just stop being ADHD?
. And – be a normal family?
NED Just what exactly does that look like?
(MERLE slips through the crowd and goes outside.)
. SCENE 25 – STREET
(MERLE slips outside and runs around. The CAROLERS
notice him.)
C5 Hey! Do you want to sing with us?
(MERLE stops short, amazed at the invitation.)
MERLE You want me to sing with you?
C4 Yeah, come join us.
MERLE Okay.
C3 Let’s sing, “Oh Holy Night”.
MERLE Don’t know that one.
C2 “Oh Come All Ye Faithful”.
MERLE Ahhh, no.
C1 “Silent Night?”... “Joyful Joyful?”...
. “Joy to the World?”...
(MERLE keeps shaking his head.)
. SCENE 26 – HOUSE
(ALL look almost zombie-like as they sit around enjoying
some peace and quiet. GERALD holds a stop-watch and
keeps an eye on the time.)
. 34
PERRY (sighing) It’s so nice and quiet.
LISA Ah! Uncle Perry, I can’t believe YOU were
. the first one to talk.
BILL (enters and balks) Man, is IT quiet in here,
. what happened?
LISA Grandpa gave us a game to play.
DONALD More of a challenge, actually.
SANDRA Regardless, this has been the nicest part
. of the day so far.
ARLENE (smiling) Yes, it is nice. We need to remember
. that Merle likes to play this – “game.”
. (realizing, looks at BILL, then looks around)
. Ah, where’s - Merle? Merle? MERLE?
. Where’s my baby!?
(ARLENE starts searching the house, underneath and behind
all the furniture. Things become chaotic again.)
. SCENE 27 – STREET
(MERLE still shakes his head, “No”.)
C2 “We Three Kings?”... “While Shepherds Wa-
Clady How about if we just sing a really simple song
. so you can learn the words?
(MERLE smiles at all the positive attention and slowly
joins in the song. The other half of the CAROLERS start
singing the song in the round. Clady starts the song.)
Cs (singing) Sing noel, sing noel, noel, noel
. Sing noel, sing noel, noel, noel
. Sing noel, sing noel, noel, noel
. Sing we all noel.
(ARLENE flies outside looking around. She even looks
at the CAROLERS and doesn’t recognize the calm MERLE.
It takes a little while until MERLE sings out.)
MERLE Oh, hi Mom. 35
ARLENE Ah! Merle! (realizing) AH! There you are.
. Are you all right?!
MERLE Yeeesssss.
Clady He was just running around out here.
ARLENE You didn’t think to go look for a parent?
C5 (wondering) Kids - play outside.
C4 He looked kind of lonely so we just asked him
. to sing with us.
ARLENE (curtly) Well, thank you, I guess!
. (to MERLE while dragging him inside)
. Don’t EVER do this to me again! Hear me?
. (hopelessly) What am I thinking, of course
. you’re going to do this again.
. SCENE 28 – HOUSE
(ARLENE stops dragging MERLE as soon as they get into
the house. She then grabs him in a desperate hug.)
ARLENE I found my precious baby. Oh Merle, were you
. afraid? Mommy was. Mommy was so – worried.
(MERLE breaks free and runs around.)
PERRY This is why we didn’t have children.
SANDRA (sarcastically) We couldn’t afford one anyway!
. (Silence. SANDRA bits her lip and winces.)
. Did I - say that out loud?
NED (laughing) Really?! That - is hilarious!
. Mr. I’ve-Got-It-All-In-The-Bank-Perry!
. Mr. and Mrs. I’m-So-Much-Better-Than-You-
. Just-Because-Robinsons. The quintessential
. perfect couple of the year, give me
. my rewards NOW so I can gloat –
CLARE (to NED) Do you feel SO bad about yourself, you
. have to put everyone else down all the time?
. 36
NED Learn some English, Clare. It’s called
. an education. And soap operas do not count
. as a television documentary.
(CLARE quickly gathers her things to leave.)
FRAN (dryly to NED) I guess you won THAT one,
. huh, Ned. How many does this make now?
BEN (makes up a poem while he plays a game)
. How many does this make?
. Are you keeping score?
. Even if it’s a piece of cake,
. Ned can always dish out more.
PERRY (motions to BEN) He IS improving.
. SCENE 29 – STREET
(Crying, CLARE dashes outside and is blocked by CAROLERS.
Cdad walks up just then to join the CAROLERS.)
Cdad (to C1) All done work, and ready to sing.
. (to all) Hi, hello... (to CLARE) Hello?
CLARE You - saw - nothing!
(Seeing a garbage can, CLARE quickly hides behind it.
CAROLERS start singing nonchalantly as NED appears
from the house to look around for CLARE.)
NED Clare?! Clare!
Cs (vs.1) I heard the bells on Christmas day
. Their old familiar carols play
. And wild and sweet the words repeat
. Of peace on earth, good will to men.
. (vs.3) And in despair I bowed my head
. ‘There is no peace on earth,’ I said,
. ‘For hate is strong and mocks the song
. Of peace on earth, good will to men.’
(NED looks at CAROLERS for a while. After hearing some
of the words, NED turns to the congregation with
sarcasm.)
NED PEACE! AGAIN? I suppose they have to keep 37
. trying to convince themselves of that one.
. Life is always a war zone, so why fight it?
. Everybody’s delusional! Any woman who thinks
. she can get ME to change - and commit – lives in
. a fantasy world... And if they don’t like it,
. THEY can change or leave. That’s not selfish.
. It’s just the way it is. I’ve got to be happy.
(NED goes back in, and CLARE creeps out from her hiding
place as the CAROLERS continue to sing. Clady goes to
CLARE and mimes a conversation to see if she’s okay.)
Cs (vs.4) Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
. ‘God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
. The wrong shall fail, the right prevail
. With peace on earth, good will to men.’
. SCENE 30 – HOUSE
(Inside, NED paces the floor.)
NED I can’t believe her. THIS is why I refuse
. to get married.
GERALD You don’t know what you’re talking about, Ned.
. WHEN you find that right person – and you LOVE
. each other – no MATTER what – if you WANT it to
. work – you MAKE it work – and it’s wonderful.
NED There you go, telling me that I have to change.
. You don’t know what you’re talking about, Dad.
. You just don’t understand the pressures of today.
GERALD No, I suppose fighting in a war doesn’t count,
. or raising 4 kids –
NED I am fighting a war, Dad, the war – of – life.
GERALD Who’s attacking you, Ned? WHO’S attacking you?
NED I just want to be happy. Okay? So just let me
. do things my way.
TINA By hurting others?
FRAN And how’s that working for you?
. 38
NED What?
FRAN Well, do you find pleasure in hurting others?
NED No. That’s not what I do.
BILL I may not be the most sensitive guy around,
. but even I can see that - you definitely do that.
NED Does no one care about my happiness?
FRAN Wow.
TINA Tell me something Ned, are you a happy person?
NED What?
TINA Are you happy? Because you sure don’t
. seem happy.
GERALD Right, you claim that you are only looking out
. for your own happiness, but you don’t seem to be
. doing a very good job at even that.
NED Dad, I don’t need any interventions, okay?
(Shaking his head in frustration, GERALD steps outside.)
. SCENE 31 – STREET
(Clady and CLARE are no longer there. The remaining
CAROLERS sing “Joy to the World”.)
Cs (vs.1) Joy to the world! The Lord is come.
. Let earth receive her King;
. Let every heart prepare Him room:
. And heav’n and nature sing,
. And heav’n and nature sing,
. And heav’n and heav’n and nature sing.
. (2) Joy to the world, the Savior reigns
. Let men their songs employ.
. While fields and floods, rocks, hills, and plains
. Repeat the sounding joy,
. Repeat the sounding joy,
. Repeat, repeat, the sounding joy.
(GERALD paces in front as he vents to congregation.) 39
GERALD Joy. Really? How can ONE sing about joy?
. I prayed for the family to work things out.
. It only got worse!... Although, now that
. I think about it, before anyone can work
. things out, they FIRST have to see that there
. are problems. This IS the first time ever,
. as a family, that we’ve been able to get things
. out in the open and discuss them. Maybe there
. ARE some real answers to our problems?
. (looking up) God? Please, please-please-please -
. please - help me... help my family find some
. peace and joy, and - hope. Ah... amen.
(GERALD goes back inside.)
. SCENE 32 – HOUSE
(Entering, GERALD finds FRAN sitting at the table,
while TINA sets the table.)
FRAN Mom, how in the world did you do it?
. Three boys and a daughter?
GERALD (adding) And not much money.
SANDRA (first time hearing this) REEEally?!
(SANDRA swings over to look at PERRY, who shrugs.)
GERALD We didn’t have much at first. But, we made it.
FRAN Okay, so now I really want to know.
TINA I just – DID it - and ignored myself. I didn’t
. get much sleep... I guess I SHOULD have. I ran
. myself RAGGED, and I see now THAT was wrong.
FRAN What are you talking about? You were like –
. the perfect mother. You were Super Mom.
. I could never be that, no matter how hard I try.
TINA I should have delegated. I should have given
. you kids chores. You kids turned out so
. spoiled and self-centered - I’m – sorry.
. That just slipped out. (noticing dropped jaws)
. 40
FRAN Spoiled? Just slipped out? What’s going on
. with you? You never say things like that.
GERALD Hormones – or the lack thereof?
BEN (making up a poem as he plays his game)
. Did I just say that out loud?
. Is the family theme for the day.
. What else - can we - expect – (thinking)
GERALD (finishes) But that grandpa started to pray.
. (ALL stop to look at GERALD, who grins)
. Did I – just say that out loud?
PERRY Okaaay.
FRAN Whatever. Mom was just saying how spoiled
. we all are – because of her. And I object.
PERRY I second that.
TINA So I have nothing to do with it?
PERRY Wh-what? I objected to you calling us spoiled.
TINA You are in debt because you want things before
. you actually have the money for them. Fran has
. been whining about having “me time.” Ned only
. cares about himself. Bill... is just – Bill.
BILL Hey!... (agreeing) Yeah, okay.
TINA And all of you just sit around and expect me
. to wait on you hand and foot. I just don’t have
. the energy to keep up with that anymore.
. (to SANDRA) THAT’S why there are paper plates
. this year. THAT’S why I only wanted to make
. one meal today – that - being supper –
ARLENE (sniffing the air) Which may be burning
. as we speak.
TINA (sobbing) Of course it would burning!
. That’s all I need!
ARLENE I’ll – I’ll see to it. (rushes to kitchen)
. 41
FRAN So – why haven’t you ever said anything?
TINA And that is where I failed you as a mother.
. I didn’t do a good job of teaching you to help
. and think of others.
PERRY At least you taught us a healthy work ethic.
(As TINA tries to stop crying, ALL quietly look around,
and for whatever reason, all eyes fall on DONALD.)
DONALD What? You all think I’m lazy? Don’t you think
. I’ve been looking for a job? – EVERYDAY
. I look for work!
BILL No – Donald – we didn’t – mean – that.
(DONALD stomps outside.)
. SCENE 33 – STREET
(CAROLERS sing “While Shepherds Watched” as DONALD paces
back and forth, fretting.)
Cs (vs.1) Whilst shepherds watched their flocks
. by night, All seated on the ground,
. The Angel of the Lord came down,
. And glory shone around.
. And glory shone around.
. (vs.2) Ahhh...
(CAROLERS look at each other, lost.)
C5 First verse again?
C2 How about “The First Noel”.
Cs (vs.1) The first noel, the angel did say,
. Was to certain poor Shepherds
. in fields as they lay.
. In fields where they lay, keeping their sheep
. In a cold winter’s night that was so deep.
. (Chorus) Noel, Noel, noel, noel,
. Born is the King of Israel.
. (vs.2) Ahhhh...
C5 Does anyone remember the other verses? 42
(CAROLERS shake their heads.)
Cdad First verse again then?
Cs (vs.1) The first Noel, the angel did say,
. Was to certain poor shepherds –
(While CAROLERS sing, DONALD rolls his eyes and looks
at the congregation.)
DONALD What’s with the poor shepherd message?!
. No offence to shepherds. (shaking his head)
. It’s just funny there are so many songs
. that mention these SHEPHERDS. WHAT would be
. so great about being a shepherd? Nothing!
. They keep company with the smelly sheep out in
. the fields. I’m not too proud, am I? I just
. want a job that’ll provide for my family. And
. it would be nice if it was a job I didn’t hate.
. And I want respect! These shepherds are getting
. more respect than I am. Obviously, they were
. important enough in SOMEBODY’S eye. It can’t be
. the job. Where can I find that kind of respect?
(BEN and LISA come out and sheepishly join DONALD.)
BEN Why didn’t you say something, Dad?
DONALD (swinging around) What? Ah, I don’t know.
. I was embarrassed, I guess.
LISA Why? Lots of people get laid off.
BEN So will you let me get a job NOW, Dad? PLEASE?
. All my friends have jobs.
LISA Me too. We both want to help.
DONALD But you’re kids! You should be enjoying
. yourselves and studying hard so you can get
. a REALLY GOOD job.
BEN Dad! I study hard, and I STILL find time
. to play video games?
LISA Yeah - I bet the time he spends playing 43
. video games - is MORE than a part time job.
(BEN nudges LISA playfully. LISA shrugs it off.)
DONALD I guess so.
BEN Dad, I’m bored. I WANT to work.
LISA And we’re almost adults.
DONALD I guess you are. Hm, you’re right. As a parent,
. I need to be preparing you for the future.
(DONALD ushers BEN and LISA toward the house.)
. SCENE 34 – HOUSE
(DONALD comes in with BEN and LISA. MERLE begins to buzz
around them and get underfoot.)
BEN Dad said we can get jobs.
MERLE Dad said we can get jobs.
DONALD We still have to discuss the details.
MERLE We still have to discuss the details.
LISA (to FRAN) So, we’re really going to have
. another brother or sister?
MERLE Another brother or sister?
BEN Be quiet.
MERLE Be quiet.
FRAN (to MERLE) Please sit down and be quiet.
ARLENE He is ADHD!
FRAN He is not. And I’ll prove it. Merle, if you sit
. still for 10 minutes, I’ll give you FIVE dollars.
(MERLE sits down immediately and stays quiet.)
DONALD Ah, we really don’t have five dollars. 44
FRAN This is totally worth it.
PERRY I’LL give him the five dollars.
SANDRA WE - really don’t have five dollars.
FRAN (motioning to the very quiet and still MERLE)
. ANYWAY - notice, he’s not ADHD. If he WAS,
. he’d STILL be bouncing around.
ARLENE Well THANK YOU Dr. Phil for your quick diagnosis.
FRAN Hey, remember, I’m no Super Mom – I WATCH
. A LOT OF TV!
SANDRA Fran has a point, though. If a child is ADHD,
. even if they GET their way, they can’t CHOOSE
. to calm down... Hey - I - read a lot of books.
ARLENE (to SANDRA) YOU – don’t have any children.
. (to FRAN) And - YOU just don’t think I know
. what’s best for my child? (rushes out)
. SCENE 35 – STREET
(ARLENE bursts out taking the CAROLERS aback.)
ARLENE (wails) I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR MY CHILD!
. I’m such a failure of a mom.
(ARLENE slumps onto bench, while CAROLERS sing
“Angels from the Realms of Glory”.)
Cs (vs.8) All creation, join in praising
. God, the Father, Spirit, Son,
. Evermore your voices raising
. To the eternal Three in One
. (chorus) Come and worship, come and worship
. Worship Christ, the newborn King.
. (vs.6) Though an infant now we view Him,
. He shall fill His Father’s throne,
. Gather all nations to Him;
. Every knee shall then bow down:
. (chorus) Come and worship, come and worship
. Worship Christ, the newborn King.
. 45
(ARLENE wanders around while drying her eyes and
listening to the song, then addresses the congregation.)
ARLENE It was so much easier to worship and adore
. Merle as an infant. My whole life centered
. around him. And as I took care of him,
. he’d look up at me with such adoring eyes.
. (gasp) Maybe all along, I’ve wanted my child
. to worship ME? No, that’s crazy. I’ve only ever
. wanted the best for my child. Really! Ugh,
. even though some days I h-ha – sometimes I hhh-
. I’m so angry with him! I thought I could raise
. the perfect child – but – it’s impossible.
. Nobody can be perfect. But - perhaps this child
. they’re singing about – isn’t just ANY child.
(ARLENE stops to ponder this thought.)
. SCENE 36 – HOUSE
(ARLENE slips in and hides her face as she walks through
the room and heads for the kitchen area. Once gone,
FRAN notices PERRY and SANDRA rearranging the plastic
knives and forks so that they are set the right way.)
FRAN What are you doing?
SANDRA Helping.
PERRY Sorry, we just couldn’t stand it anymore.
FRAN Stand what?
PERRY Improper place settings.
FRAN Give it a break!
PERRY No matter what your economic status is,
. you can always have proper place settings.
DONALD (looks introspectively at PERRY) So what are
. your plans to stay afloat? I mean, if I don’t
. find a job soon, we’ll have to dip into our
. NEST EGG –
PERRY At least you HAVE a nest egg.
. 46
SANDRA I guess we’ll have to dip into OUR next egg.
. (PERRY remains sheepishly quiet, intent on task.)
. We HAVE a nest egg, don’t we, Perry? Perry?
. Do we have ANY eggs? Where are the eggs, Perry?!
PERRY Don’t frame me for the entire crime. You’re
. as guilty as I am... I was thinking, we could
. start by selling the china and crystal.
SANDRA (eyes wide) Why not sell your Mercedes,
. and buy ahhhh–I don’t know–what’s a cheap car,
. Bill?
BILL Hey, leave me out of this.
PERRY Why just MY car, Sandra? And I could have picked
. on your extreme SHOE collection. Or your
. designer clothes.
SANDRA Let’s not forget about your membership
. to the exclusive golf club!
PERRY Sandra, I don’t even know why we’re fighting
. about this. It’s all going to have to go, dear.
SANDRA Don’t “dear” me!
PERRY (sighing) We’re talking – everything, Sandra.
. Getting rid of - the spa visits, the penthouse,
. the cottage, all our cars... It only makes sense
. to start with the big things first.
SANDRA So I go from a castle to the slums, and my
. prince turns into a toad - a complete - loser –
(PERRY suddenly goes quiet and numbly walks outside.)
. SCENE 37 – STREET
(PERRY sits down on the bench while the CAROLERS sing
“Thou Didst Leave Thy Throne”.)
Cs (vs.2) Heaven’s arches ran when the angels sang,
. Proclaiming Thy royal degree;
. But of lowly birth didst Thou come to earth,
. And in great humility.
. 47
(At the word “humility”, PERRY sits up and takes note.)
Cs (singing chorus) O come to my heart, Lord Jesus,
. There is room in my heart for Thee
. (vs.1) Thou didst leave Thy throne
. and Thy kingly crown,
. When Thou camest to earth for me;
. But in Bethlehem’s home was there found no room
. For Thy holy nativity.
. (Chorus) O come to my heart, Lord Jesus,
. There is room in my heart for Thee
PERRY (looks to congregation very distressed)
. I can certainly relate. I’ve just been
. de-throned. I had EVERYthing – and now will have
. NOTHING. Yeah-yeah, I didn’t really OWN any of
. it in the first place. But I was ENJOYING all
. those things, and now they will all be stripped
. away. And yes, it was my doing! But now,
. I wonder, I worry, will I also lose my wife?
. Can we hold our marriage together WITHOUT all
. those things? Was the glue to our marriage -
. things? Not so much loving each other, but
. loving the same THINGS? And then to lose it all?
. TELL ME, what could this Jesus know about
. trouble and suffering? Huh?! –
(Distressed, PERRY turns to the CAROLERS and rants.)
PERRY WHAT could this Jesus know? How in the world
. do these stories help me out now? My life -
. is over! My life might as well be over!
. (breaking down) What am I going to do?
(PERRY goes to bench to sit down. The CAROLERS look
at him with concern and surround him.)
. SCENE 38 – HOUSE
(GERALD sits to the side, head down in prayer.
SANDRA paces the floor as TINA comes from kitchen.)
TINA Well, so much for supper. All that’s left
. is charcoal.
MERLE We haven’t been THAT bad?
. 48
TINA Huh? (sees everyone’s mood) What’s wrong now?
FRAN Perry had a melt-down.
SANDRA I shouldn’t have said those things.
DONALD But both of you still have your jobs, don’t you?
SANDRA You don’t understand. (suddenly clutching chest)
. I can’t – breathe.-I can’t breathe.
TINA Sit down, dear. It’ll be okay. Somehow.
(TINA guides SANDRA to the sofa. BEN jumps up so SANDRA
can sit down and recover from her panic attack.)
BILL We’ll all get through everything... together.
(SANDRA now stands up, gasping.)
SANDRA I’m worried Perry will do something drastic.
. YOU know how he is.
FRAN You’re right. I DO know how he is. And his
. whole facade has just been cracked wide open.
GERALD (looking up) We need to go look for him.
(As EVERYONE heads for the door, PERRY sticks his
head in.)
PERRY Hey –
(ALL freeze and study PERRY.)
SANDRA Perry?
PERRY I’m not sure if any of you have met these
. carolers - who’ve been –
ALL (randomly) Oh, yeah, THEM. Yeah. We’ve met.
PERRY Well, we’ve been talking, and - I’m okay.
. (to SANDRA) Sandra, I’m sorry. I really am.
. But, we’ll be okay.
(SANDRA weakly falls into PERRY’S arms.) 49
SANDRA I thought you’d go do something crazy.
PERRY Yeah, the thought did cross my mind. But, well,
. this is a little crazy... but those carolers –
. have invited us to a Christmas scene at
. the church. Afterwards there’ll be a service
. and ah – what they call a – fellow – ah -
. fellowship meal. FOOD, in other words.
TINA That would work for me.
MERLE Awesome! I want to go. Please, Mom. Dad?
ARLENE Yes, I think - we should go.
(The FAMILY exits with excitement, all but NED sits down
on the SOFA stubbornly. GERALD back looks at him.)
GERALD (to NED) You’re not coming?
NED Go without me. I’m staying right HERE.
GERALD Well, you know where you can find us,
. if you change your mind.
NED No one’s changing ME, Dad.
GERALD I know. But you could decide – to change
. yourself... Just a thought.
(NED glares his response to show how serious he is.
GERALD finally nods in resignation and leaves.)
. SCENE 39 – STREET
(GERALD steps out, at first sad, but smiles when he
sees the FAMILY in a supportive, hopeful mood.
GERALD looks up in a brief prayer.)
GERALD I suppose - I really need to thank You.
. And – I’ll be getting back to You with
. more things, I’m sure.
(GERALD joins the FAMILY [minus NED] standing around
the CAROLERS as they sing “O Come, All Ye Faithful”.)
. 50
Cs (vs.1) O come, all ye faithful,
. Joyful and triumphant,
. O come ye, O come ye, to Bethlehem.
. Come and behold Him, Born the King of angels.
. (Chorus) O come, let us adore Him,
. O come, let us adore Him,
. O come, let us adore Him,
. O come, let us adore Him, Christ the Lord
. (vs.3) Sing, choirs of angels,
. Sing in exultation;
. Sing, all ye citizens of heaven above!
. Glory to God, in the highest.
. (Chorus) O come, let us adore Him,
. O come, let us adore Him,
. O come, let us adore Him,
. O come, let us adore Him,
. Christ the Lord
(Towards the end of the song, they move over to
the church front. CLARE shows up at the church
but enters from the other side. CLARE shyly waves
to the FAMILY from across the way.
As the CAROLER’S start to sing “O Holy Night”,
the nativity scene builds, with everyone singing.)
ALL (sing vs.1) O holy night, the stars
. are brightly shining,
. It is the night of the dear Savior’s birth’
. Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
. Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
. A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
. For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn;
. (Chorus) Fall on your knees,
. Oh hear the angels voices
. O night divine, O night when Christ was born!
. O night, O holy night, O night divine.
. (vs.2) Led by the light of faith serenely beaming
. With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand
. So led by light of star sweetly gleaming
. Here come the wise men from Orient land
. The King of kings lay thus in lowly manger
. In all our trials born to be our friend.
. (Chorus) He knows our need,
. He guardeth us from danger
. Behold your King! Before Him lowly bend!
. Behold your King! Before Him lowly bend!
. 51
. (vs.3) Truly He taught us to love one another
. His law is love and His gospel is our peace
. Chains shall He break,
. for the slave is our brother
. And in His name all oppression shall cease.
. Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
. Let all within us praise His holy name.
. (Chorus) Christ is the Lord,
. O praise His name forever!
. His pow’r and glory evermore proclaim!
. His pow’r and glory evermore proclaim!
(The NATIVITY people enter the “church/exit” first,
followed by the CAROLERS, then the FAMILY.
GERALD looks around with a closed lipped smile.
Suddenly NED runs to catch up with the group.
GERALD beams.)
NED DON’T - say anything.
(CLARE and NED see each other and slowly merge toward
the door. As they near the door and get closer
in proximity, they subtly nod at each other and enter.
The YOUNG CAROLER and Y.C. FATHER are the last
two left. They smile at each other, then both
look out and together sing “O Little Town of Bethlehem”.)
C1 &
Cdad (vs.1) O little town of Bethlehem,
. How still we see thee lie.
. Above they deep and dreamless sleep
. The silent stars go by.
. Yet in they dark streets shineth
. The everlasting Light;
C1 The hopes and fears of all the years
. Are met in thee to-night.
(Cdad and then C1 enter into the “church”.)